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My Knee-Jerk Reactions To The Top 10 Sexiest Female Names On Dating Apps

My Knee-Jerk Reactions To The Top 10 Sexiest Female Names On Dating Apps

The Grade, a dating app in itself, “ranked the sexiest and hottest names on social media dating apps based on incoming like-rate (swiping right).” As someone who has been out of the dating app game for some time now, I definitely spent my fair share of time swiping left and right in bed with my arms fully extended over my head mid-hangover. I’ve seen my fair shares of Mollys, Katies, and Natalies, which is why I thought I’d weigh in with some knee-jerk reactions to the top female names.

1. Brianna
It makes sense that Brianna is on a dating app, because Brianna may be the most undateable name ever. I’m not saying that it’s purely a porn star name, but I am saying that there are probably a million porn stars named Brianna.

2. Erika
Erika’s just looking for love, man. Sure, she floated around in college between the SAE and Sigma Chi houses, but deep down she’s just trying to get some red-wine mouth and see what happens long term.

3. Lexi
Lexi is the girl that has a Marilyn Monroe quote in her profile that Marilyn Monroe definitely did not say.

4. Brooke
Brooke has that wispy kind of bleach-blonde hair that you’d expect to see on a girl in a Joe Dirt movie.

5. Vanessa
A tan brunette, Vanessa has gone from a meathead boyfriend who didn’t care about her emotions to Tinder where her profile features several asterisks and squiggly marks around the description of how carefree she is.

6. April
April should not be on a dating app, and all the male sharks swimming around on the app can tell from a mile away. She’s ignorant and thinks she’ll find a boyfriend when, in all actuality, she’ll only find a dude who’s looking to hit it and quit it for her first one-night stand ever.

7. Natalie
Smile like the sunrise, which isn’t what she’ll be doing when she crawls out of your bed to go to work Friday morning at 6 a.m.

8. Jenna
Jenna “never does this on a first date” but always does this on a first date.

9. Molly
Molly goes hard in the paint on the first date which makes the guy think it’s a good idea to take a few more before realizing she’s single for a reason. And that reason is that she’s bananas. Molly is bananas.

10. Katie
What are you doing on Hinge, Katie? Go back to your old boyfriend. You and I both know you were perfect together and this is no place for you.

For what it’s worth, the top ten male names were Brett, Tyler, Corey, Andy, Noah, Shane, Jeffrey, Rob, Frank, and Jeff. I’d probably chill with all of them, except Corey and Shane. They sound like tools.

[via Cosmopolitan]

Image via Shutterstock

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Will deFries

Will deFries (@WilldeFries) is the world's foremost authority on Sunday Scaries. Writer, Editor, and Content Manager at Post Grad Problems. Email me at will@grandex.co.

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