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Modern Wedding Hits That Need To Be Replaced

Modern Wedding Hits That Need To Be Replaced

We’re in the hot zone of wedding season. I’ve come a long way from when I left in the middle of a reception two years ago and maybe totally didn’t murder somebodylast year. Now I have over a dozen weddings under my belt and I’m beginning to notice similarities across the board. This week I want to focus on the dance floor playlist.

With every wedding reception dance floor, there are certain songs you come to expect. “Can’t Take My Eyes Off of You,” the “YMCA” and “Shout” are so well worn that they’ll be played at weddings for decades to come. I’m not going to take a position against these types of songs. They’re for the old folk and they seem to enjoy them.

But when the DJ “turns it up” in the beginning of hour #2, this is when everybody under the age of 40 gets a chance to cut loose. The grandparents have headed towards the exits, jackets are being removed and dresses are coming unbuttoned. The wedding party, who’s been moderately well behaved up until this point, finally gets to go nuts for the first time in ten hours in a room full of free booze alongside their closest friends and family. This is an opportunity the DJ should take advantage of.

So why are we stuck dancing to shitty top 40 pop hits from a decade and a half ago? Who decided that LMFAO and Flo Rida were the voices of our generation? I get it; they’re familiar and easy to dance to, but if I have to hear “Yeah!” one more time we’re going to have another Red Wedding on our hands and I’ll be taking the bride for myself.

Below are a few of the easy substitutions Jenna and I devised on our most recent episode of Don’t Take It From Us. Make sure you check out the rest of the episode as the below is just a snapshot of our debate. Whether you agree or disagree, regardless please enjoy. Don’t forget to take this for what it is: arbitrary opinion from a stranger on the Internet.

Overplayed Song #1: “Forever” by Chris Brown
Replacement:

Your opinions of Chris Brown aside, this song makes you want to move. With the first notes your body is transported into a previous version of yourself, which may or may not think they can rap and dance. Add verses from Busta Rhymes and Weezy F Baby and you’ll be dropping bombs with your sorority sisters in no time!

Overplayed Song #2: “Hot in Herre” by Nelly
Replacement:

Country Grammar was our first introduction to the national treasure known as Nelly. Sure, “Hot in Herre” gets the hips grinding, but “Country Grammar” is the song everybody knows every single word to. Plus, do you really want to be making eye contact with your cousin while singing, “So take off all your clothes”?

Overplayed Song #3: “Cupid Shuffle” by Cupid
Replacement:

This is an oldie but a goodie. Instead of replacing the “Cupid Shuffle” from 2007 with a newer dance song like the Dougie or Wobble, Jenna opted to bring in the acclaimed Tootsie Roll. Basically any song off of Jock Jams 2 works here as well.

Overplayed Song #4: Every Michael Jackson song
Replacement:

I want a five-year moratorium on all MJ hits. He’s one of the most talented performers of all time, but that’s no excuse for playing “Billie Jean,” “Don’t Stop til You Get Enough,” “Beat It,” and “Thriller” on every radio station, in every retail location and at every wedding in existence. I have MJ exhaustion, but if we need to keep one of his songs on, “Will You Be There” is it. It’s a slow song so you can grab one of the bridesmaids and transport her back to watching Free Willy on VHS on the floor in her bedroom in her underwear…

Overplayed Song #6: “I Gotta Feeling” by the Black Eyed Peas
Replacement:

This is a selfish addition by me because St. Lucia is my favorite band. They’re not super widely known, but everything they put out just feels good. And that’s what weddings are about. Feeling good and never hearing the Black Eyed Peas ever again. I strongly encourage you to listen to St. Lucia.

Overplayed Song #7: “SexyBack” by Justin Timberlake
Replacement:

Admittedly “Suit & Tie” is a song that is being played more and more at weddings. However that’s the only place it should be played. Thus “SexyBack” is out and “Suit & Tie” is hereby restricted to wedding playlists only. You shouldn’t be subjected to “Suit & Tie” at a backyard barbeque.

Overplayed Song #8: “Hey Ya!” by Outkast
Replacement:

Super new addition to the list with a song that’s less than two months old. In a world where there isn’t a lot to be happy about this song simply asks, “May I have this dance? Can I say something crazy? I love you…” Not to get all touchy feely but isn’t that essentially what all weddings boil down to? At one point a man asked a girl to dance and now they’re in love and bond together forever? Ugh my uterus hurts.

Overplayed Song #9: “”Shots” by LMFAO
Replacement:

Jenna made a great argument for this song, which I was wary to include. TDFW should be the second to last song played at every wedding reception. It’s a super high note to end on and lets the party know that the night’s almost over and that it should be taken somewhere else besides the Ramada Inn banquet hall.. She reasoned that the final song should be “Let’s Get It On” by Marvin Gaye but I had a different song in mind…

Overplayed Song #10: “Return of the Mack” by Mark Morrison
Replacement:

Just kidding, you can never overplay this song. Forever and always.

What other songs do you think need to be swapped out?

On this week’s very musical episode of Don’t Take It From Us, Jenna Crowley and I debated even more wedding songs substitutions in a new segment called Put 5 On It! We also graded two Bumble profiles which both received shockingly high grades andwe went down in the DMs, where Jenna opened up about her anxiety and we awarded a guy’s ex gf the “worst ever.” Do you have a dating or relationship question you want answered on the pod? Make sure you send our way! New eps will be released every Wednesday, so check it out on Soundcloud below or on iTunes!

We have an Instagram now! Follow us here for a first look at the dating profiles we’re grading and all sorts of content throughout the week!

Image via Sean Nel / Shutterstock.com

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JR Hickey

Stand up comedian and writer from Chicago who now resides on the West Coast. JR can be seen performing at Cobbs Comedy Club in San Francisco and Zanies Comedy Clubs in Chicago. His work has been published in the Chicago Tribune and recently he was a part of SF Sketchfest 2015. JR's also the host of the PGP dating podcast Don't Take It From Us. He loves you very, very much.

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