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Minnesota High School Backup Goalie Spectacularly Describes How His “Luscious Flow” Will Help Win Them A State Title

Minnesota High School Backup Hockey Goalie Spectacularly Describes How His "Luscious Flow" Will Win Them A State Title

Hockey is a huge deal in Minnesota. Gordon “The Minnesota Miracle Man” Bombay – ever heard of him? After all, there’s a reason that The Mighty Ducks franchise chose Minnesota as their home base for the team and it had nothing to do with film industry tax breaks.

The second-most-watched hockey productions to come out of Minnesota are probably the Minnesota High School Tournament’s All Hockey Hair Team videos, which we have covered at length here, here, here, and here. And this year proves to be no different with the tournament upon us this weekend.

If you’re new to this sensation, soak in the glory that is last year’s team which has almost 2 million views at the time of posting.

This is such a big deal that certain players are already jockeying and vying for a position in this year’s first team, much like Moorhead’s backup goalie, Thomas Klein. That’s right, backup goalie. And if we’ve learned anything through the years, it’s that backup goalies like Julie “The Cat” Gaffney can, in fact, propel their team with their intangibles. It just so happens that this goalie’s intangible happens to be his hair, which he described at length to InForum, a Fargo online publication.

When asked how he was going to help during this year’s tournament, he said, “Oh, I think it can help the team. I honestly do think that,” before clarifying, “Good-looking players means a good-looking team.”

And he didn’t stop there.

“In Minnesota, making it to the state tournament is one of the biggest things you can do as a kid,” Klein said. “One of the fun things to do at the state tournament is to have long hair or some kind of facial hair. Me being sitting where I am right now, it’s just kind of a fun thing for me to do. As of now, I’m a backup goalie as a senior and I want whatever is best for the team.”

I mean, look at this kid’s fucking hair.

At the beginning of this last season, Moorhead’s coach Jon Ammerman met with each of his players to touch on their specific goals for the season – and yes, this included Klein who told him that one his primary goals was to make the All Hockey Hair Team. As a coach, you have to love hearing that. The one hitch? Coach Ammerman made a team-wide rule that you were not allowed to have facial hair nor was it permissible to have hair that touches your ears. But because Ammerman’s goal was to be on the All Hair Team, he was given a pass.

Klein’s teammate, senior defenseman Carter Howell, had something to say about it as well.

“Firstly, I think I’d have a shot at the All Hockey Hair Team if I could grow it out because I can grow a pretty good flow, but rules are rules and everybody has to follow them,” Moorhead senior defenseman Carter Howell said. “I don’t mind short hair and we look good as a team with it.”

“It’s luscious,” Howell said of Klein’s hair.

There’s a zero percent chance he actually believes this, and Klein is just peacocking his current coif all over the ice to rub it in his teammate’s faces.

“I just got good flow, good quality hair,” Klein said. “It’s just luscious, golden locks. Put it back every morning. Right about now, it falls into place. It’s all natural. I’ve always thought I’ve had good hair. I’ve always been proud of my hair. Just lucky to have it and probably one of the better things you can have is a good head of hair.”

If you didn’t read that with a distinct Minnesota/Canadian accent hybrid, I urge you to go back and re-read it. Done? Okay.

We’ll be on the prowl all weekend for the best hair to come out of the tournament, namely during Moorhead’s first game at 1 p.m. Thursday against Hill-Murray. Stay tuned.

[via InForum]

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Will deFries

Will deFries (Twitter / Instagram) is a Senior Writer at Grandex and the world's foremost authority on Sunday Scaries. Email me at will@grandex.co.

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