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Man Spends Three Days In Hospital After Chugging A Quart Of Eggnog At Office Christmas Party

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Oh, boy. Stupidity is rampant in this one.

Ryan Roche nearly drowned in eggnog earlier this month after letting his competitive nature take over at his office’s Christmas party. He was about to leave with his wife and kids to head home for a quiet evening, probably to watch “It’s A Wonderful Life” or some shit. I don’t know. But then someone busted out the eggnog and offered up a Ruth’s Chris Steak House gift card to the winner. This was a challenge that Roche knew he couldn’t resist. Some impeccable logic coming out of this guy.

From KSL:

“They busted out some eggnog.”

An eggnog-chugging contest was getting started and one of Roche’s colleagues called him out to compete. Roche said he’s a competitive guy and couldn’t walk away.

“I’ve already decided, if I’m going to do it, I’m going to win,” he said.

This guy sounds like a winner. A born and proven winner. Nothing gets in his way when it comes to emerging victoriously in a bullshit competition — not even common sense or his health. Hell, his family was there and it didn’t stop him.

The record at that point was 22 seconds. There was a Ruth’s Chris Steak House gift card on the line, so Roche faced off against two other co-workers.

“I just opened up my throat, didn’t even swallow,” he said. “I pretty much poured it down.”

Is he stupid?

As the video shows, he drank a quart of eggnog in just 12 seconds, without taking a breath.

“I got done, and I was gasping, I couldn’t breathe.”

Well, folks, there’s your answer. He is not an intelligent individual. Plus, his drama didn’t stop unfolding when he couldn’t breathe. That may actually give his intelligence some credence.

Roche said he was coughing a lot as he headed home, but thought he would be OK. A couple of hours later, he wasn’t so sure.

“I was pretty much shaking uncontrollably,” he said. “I was shaking so badly, I was nauseous, and my breathing became a pant.”

He asked a friend in medical school to come over to his house and check on him. The friend took him to the hospital.

Ah, the classic “call the guy in med school” decision. Apparently, it took someone who’s studying to be a doctor to inform this ignorant baboon that the inability to breathe is pretty fucking bad.

“They pretty much had to wheelchair me in, double IV, oxygen, and hooked me up to what they call the nuclear weapon of antibiotics,” he said.

The liquid in his lungs was starting an infection. He spent 24 hours in intensive care with a fever, sweats and chills.

Yep, chugging a quart of eggnog in 12 seconds will do that to you.

Three days later, Roche was released from the hospital — without his dignity and the respect of his peers.

Moron.

[via KSL]

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Bogey Wells

Bogey Wells is a TFM Senior Freelance Contributor. He occasionally dabbles with PGP.

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