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Mailbag: Human v. Cheetah In The Octagon And Fun Ways To Quit Your Job

Mailbag

Welcome to the PGP Mailbag, wherein I will answer questions from you, our readers. Send your questions to dillon@grandex.co.

Hello Dillon,

I was just wondering if your mailbag selections were ever going to not be about bachelor parties or visits to Austin? Keep reading, I’m not being a snot here. Is this because we, your listener population, are giving you nothing but bachelor party and Austin hot spot questions? If that’s the case, then I think it’s time we step it up. “Go to the number streets for nightlife” or “hey man I think a golf trip is the way to go” on repeat isn’t working for us, but that could be because we’re not working for you. Let us know if we need to do better, because I think after years (Yes, years. For me it’s been years.) of consuming the hot fire ‘tent you guys put out into the world, we could probably stand to give a little back.

Best Regards,

Amanda

(I know it’s hard to tell through my thickly veiling sarcasm, but I am asking a serious question here. Are you seriously only getting bach party and Austin tourist suggestion requests? Because I would believe it.)

I wanted to begin with this email because it’s a good one. Amanda raises some good points, and her criticism is fair. These questions have been very bachelor party and Austin nightlife heavy, but that’s because those are the questions I’ve been receiving.

I’m a big “give the people what they want” guy, and the people have been wanting to know about bachelor parties and the city of Austin. I think there are about two or three questions in total that I have not answered since starting this series, and that’s only because I didn’t find them compelling enough. I’ve answered basically all of them.

I also encouraged Amanda to ask me a follow-up question to be answered, a topic of her choosing, but she passed and told me the above question was all she had for me, so here’s her answer.

Send me questions, people.

You think you can take a cheetah in a UFC octagon if you have a baseball bat?

Things to consider:
Fight to the death clearly (you can get fucked up but if you kill it first that’s a win)
A big cheetah weighs like 120-140
Has 1 inch non-retractable claws (so pretty much dog feet)
About 3 feet tall so pretty much dick high fastball height
In an octagon so the 60+ mph speed is taken away

Please answer very long debate with friends

I absolutely love questions like this. Just yesterday on TFM I wrote about the Arian Foster versus a wolf thing that the internet has been enthralled with.

Spoiler alert: Arian wins that fight in a rout.

So I’m fighting a cheetah to the death in an octagon and I get to use a baseball bat, huh? This is the easiest human vs. _____ fight to the death question ever. I’m curious why you chose a cheetah and not something more badass like a jaguar or tiger. Obviously a cheetah’s greatest attribute in hunting is its speed, and being in an octagon completely takes that advantage away from it.

Cheetahs are small in frame and built for speed, not for going to the mat with other ferocious animals. They’re not scrappers, man. They’re basically a run you down and go for your neck predator. It’s effective for them, but they need open fields and prey that doesn’t fight back, and prey that doesn’t have hands. Also, cheetahs have tiny heads and probably have bitch made PSI bites. If you have the chance to square up to one and methodically attack it, you’re at a huge advantage.

Honestly, I’m not sure I even need a baseball bat. I just have to get my hands around its throat and it’s goodnight to the cheetah. He’s tapping out or he’s dying. Up to him. You put a Louisville Slugger in my hands and this fight doesn’t get out of the first round.

After 9 months of dreaming of quitting my job it has now finally become a reality and next week I’ll be submitting my resignation. As much as I’d like to work for my self, my idea for gloves for cats to make them quieter isn’t taking off as I’d like it to. So I’ll just have to settle for a job with better pay, commute, benefits, coworkers, upward mobility, and name recognition.

The only thing that I will regret is that I won’t be able to quit multiple times (unless some sort of Groundhog Day scenario unfolds). Since this is/was my first real job out of college I’ve never had an opportunity like this before. There are too things I want to say that I no longer know what to do on my final day. It’s almost like writers block, but for the disgruntled employee who is on his way out (Peter Gibbons Syndrome à la Office Space). So I turn to you guys at PGP for advice.

A bit of background information:
Since graduating school I have worked for my firm in the sales department for 18 months. As a postgraduate entering the work force with no sales experience it was brutal, especially when the company offers an embarrassingly low base in the most expensive city on the west coast. I’m the past 6 months I have exceeded my sales expectations and I currently rank in the top 25%. I don’t believe management suspects a thing which will make my resignation all the more interesting.

My question is:
What is the best way to quit my job?

I’m not always a proponent of the high road when the other party is deserving of the low one, but this is your career we’re talking about here. Unless you’re quitting your job to be self-employed — and you said that isn’t the case — you don’t want to burn any bridges and the prospect of a solid recommendation from your former employer. Just don’t do it. A short-lived thrill isn’t worth the longterm, negative effects of it. This is your first “real” job so that means it’s your only “real” experience in the business world.

Play it smart, my friend.

___

The more questions I receive, the better this series is going to be, so send me your Mailbag questions to dillon@grandex.co and please put “Mailbag” in the subject line.

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Dillon Cheverere

Dillon Cheverere is the Vice President of Media for Grandex, Inc. Dillon graduated (BBA) with a GPA sitting in the meaty part of the bell curve, not lagging behind, but not trying to show off, either. Golf is his game now. He's long off the tee but can't putt for shit. Email: dillon@grandex.co

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