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Mailbag: Hookup Apps, Your Sex Drive, And Two Weddings In One Day

Mailbag

Welcome to the PGP Mailbag, wherein I will answer questions from you, our readers. Send your questions to dillon@grandex.co.

Hey Dorn

Love the articles with wedding advice. But how would you go about this one…

About a month ago my girlfriend invited me to a wedding that her friend is having (not an open bar). I never fully said yes because it was three months out and how was I suppose to know what was going to happen. I just kinda vaguely responded and completely forgot about it. Fast forward to yesterday and I got a wedding invite (with an open bar) from a guy on my beer league team that I’ve known for about three years on the same date. This is my first ever individual wedding invite and think it’s a big deal in transitioning into adult life. Her friends is at 11a and my buddy’s is at 2p and about a hour drive away could we possibly swing both? Go to her ceremony and my buddy’s reception?

Thanks

You’re lucky that the wedding without the open bar is the earlier one. This actually works out perfectly for you, as you not only can skip the dry reception (although it may have a cash bar – you didn’t clarify), but you have a very legitimate reason to.

Go to her friend’s ceremony, stick around the reception just long enough to make the rounds and let everyone know you made the effort, then book it to your buddy’s wedding and get annihilated. An hour drive is nothing.

Everybody wins, and everybody is happy. You even get to throw the suit on just one time and kill two birds with it. Have a day. You should even be able to make it to your friend’s ceremony.

Hi Dillon,

A little background on me and my husband’s history: we met / started dating when I was a sex crazed, 21-year-old college girl. We were long distance, and each weekend we were together it was my goal to make up for lost time and do it as many times as humanly possible. After a year and a half of long distance, we moved to the same city, and had sex roughly every other day. A year later, we moved in together, and our sex dwindled to twice a week. We’ve been married for two years now (together for 6 years total), and my sex drive has never been so low – we have sex once a week, sometimes longer stretches in between. I don’t exactly know what happened (other than not being 21 anymore) but I hardly have any interest in sex, and feel bad because clearly he’s a guy and wishes we’d do it more. More often than not I initiate it without wanting to just because I feel like I should. And it’s not to say it’s not enjoyable, because it is, and afterwards I’m glad we did, but I just am NEVER in the mood anymore.

Thoughts?

I believe this is commonly referred to as the seven-year itch — the point in a relationship when feelings and sexual desire tend to fade. If there’s a phrase for it, you know you’re far from the only one who has experienced it. It’s even pretty normal.

This is mostly a psychological hurdle, but can also be physical. I know too well that certain birth controls can greatly decrease a woman’s sex drive, too, so that could be a factor.

Also, working out can work for you twofold. You may already exercise but if not, consider it. It can physically make you more easily aroused, but it can also make you confident and sexual as you begin to like your body more.

I’m just hoping that you’re not wanting sex period, as opposed to simply not wanting it with your husband. If you find yourself wanting sex elsewhere, then it’s something to worry about. Either way, I think you should talk to a professional, first by yourself and then together. Communication is also very vital in getting this on the right track. If you haven’t told him yet that you aren’t into sex, you really should.

Hi Dillon,

I love your mailbags and you answered a question a few weeks back that I need guidance on. I just relocated for my job and while I’ve made some friends at work most are in relationships. This brings me to my question, I’m a regular at my (new) local gym and I’ve finally found a guy I may possibly be interested in, he’s a trainer at the gym and whenever we see each other (daily almost) we exchange pleasantries and then I’m on my way. Let me preface with I have no idea if he’s in a relationship or anything but I am interested I just have no idea what I’m supposed to say to this man. I know you talked about girls making #powermoves on guys and you said yes to girls asking you on dates before. So what should I say? I’ve never asked a guy on a date before and this all makes my social anxiety go up to a 10.

I’m convinced that the gym is the single worst place to approach someone you’re interested in.

Maybe it’s because the introvert in me really shows through when I’m at the gym, but I don’t want to talk to anyone, nor do I want anyone to talk to me, while I’m in there. And I assume everyone else feels the same way. Plus women are in ponytails with little to no makeup on so they’re not feeling their hottest, which means they’re potentially less comfortable being approached. Introducing yourself to someone in a setting that’s public but not really social is just awkward.

Plus everyone at the gym is sober, and that’s no way to meet someone.

It can be done, though. People do it. I see weirdos in there talking to each other all the time. It’s wild.

But yeah, you’re not alone here. Social anxiety is very real at the gym. Maybe you can play that to your strength? Use the blatant awkwardness as a crutch and maybe throw out a line about how you don’t approach people in the gym because it’s awkward, yet here you are doing exactly that? I’m just spitballing here.

Actually, just time your exit with his and talk on the way out. Ask him to get drinks then. Just be quick, bold, and lay it out there. He says yes or he says no.

Dillon,

What are your thoughts on jumping into the online dating/dating app game? I’m 27 and just moved to a new city where I have a solid group of friends from high school and college. Single life is great, but I’m ready for a little stability and my friends haven’t pulled through in introducing me to anyone worthwhile. I’m pretty old-fashioned but I’m tired of waiting on chance on wonder if I should be more proactive.

Should I pull the trigger on a dating profile? How do you not come off as creepy or clingy? Is it okay to sleep with a chick on the first date after you met on a dating app as opposed to a hook-up app?

Help ya boy out. Have fun at the Masters you tool.

What’s the difference in a dating app and a hookup app? I honestly don’t know. I would assume Tinder would be a hookup app and something like Match.com a dating app?

I think they’re all just kind of the same now, right? Tinder, Bumble, Hinge — they’re just people-matching apps. What you choose to do once you meet is up to you. I guess the Tinder demo is probably a little younger, which likely gives it the hookup vibes. I don’t really know.

It’s 2017 and most people use these apps, though. There’s no shame in it anymore. I’ll be real; I’m not currently on any dating apps but I have used them in the past, even pretty recently. The girl I’m currently talking to asked me why I was on Bumble, and my answer was basically this: You know instantly if the girl is intrigued by you. There’s no guessing involved. If you match with someone, it’s because that person swiped right on you, which means that person maybe wants to get to know you because he or she, at minimum, finds you attractive.

It’s also like speed-dating without having to deal with face-to-face rejection. And you cast a wider net. Set up that profile, my guy. It’s a no-brainer.

___

The more questions I receive, the better this series is going to be, so send me your Mailbag questions to dillon@grandex.co and please put “Mailbag” in the subject line.

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Dillon Cheverere

Dillon Cheverere is the Vice President of Media for Grandex, Inc. Dillon graduated (BBA) with a GPA sitting in the meaty part of the bell curve, not lagging behind, but not trying to show off, either. Golf is his game now. He's long off the tee but can't putt for shit. Email: dillon@grandex.co

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