Can I start by saying something that’s been on my mind lately? Okay cool. You low key remind me of Kyle Chandler (Coach Taylor from Friday Night Lights) and I can’t figure out why.
Anyways, I was at the gym the other day and I ran into a guy I went to high school with who I hadn’t seen in years. We were catching up for quite some time but I had to eventually cut the conversation off after 10 minutes in a pretty abrupt way. See, your boy here is also #teammorninglift and I wasn’t going to be able to finish stacking mass AND get to work at a reasonable time if we kept talking. That being said:
1) What is the appropriate amount of time to talk to someone at the gym, assuming you’re not lifting together?
2) What is the best way to abruptly end a conversation at the gym with a fellow bro without offending him?
I’m boarding an airplane in literally four hours to go to the Masters for the trip of a lifetime and somehow you comparing me to Coach Taylor is the thing that made my day above anything else. Wow. What a compliment. Thank you, Chad (great generic white guy name).
1) You get one minute of my gym time and that’s it. Anything over one minute conveys blatant disregard for my workout routine and that is unacceptable gym behavior. You may have been abrupt, but it was justified. The gym isn’t a social scene unless you’re a gym rat loser. Go there to put in work and get out. My goal is to not talk to a single soul from the time I pass through the gym doors until I leave.
2) Just tell him you “need to get back to it” then get the fuck back to it. Easy.
First and foremost, I’m glad things seem to be going well for you. My parents went through a really ugly divorce when I was younger, so I’m glad you’ve been able to find the positivity in what I can only imagine is a terribly difficult decision.
I read your last mailbag on relationship advice and thought it was pretty, well, thoughtful.
As for my question, here goes; my girlfriend and I have been dating for a little over a year, we’re both about to graduate, and we’re thinking of living together. I’ve thought a lot about spending my future with this girl, or I wouldn’t be dating her right now. She’s gorgeous, really smart, hardworking, loyal, and I love her family.
Lately though, I don’t know, we’ve been arguing a lot, the bedroom hasn’t been as oft visited, just a host of stuff. I’m just wondering at what point do you love yours (been listening to a lot of j Cole lately) vs when do you give up something good for the possibility of finding something better?
I appreciate the kind words.
I’m going to shoot you totally straight here. I don’t know you so I don’t have a dog or vested interest in this fight, so you know I’m keeping it one hundred.
Do not move in with her. Moving in is a commitment that’s really difficult to reverse. You guys are so young. You said you’re about to graduate so I’m putting you at 22 or 23 years old. That’s crazy young, man. Even if you believed this girl was the love of your life and you were certain you wanted to marry her, the sex was amazing, etc. etc., I’d still tell you not to move in with her.
You’re just so young and have so much to figure out about life and yourself. You’re just not ready. I’m not saying end it with her (she seems great), but don’t hitch your wagon to her quite yet. You have a lot of young people shit to do before you settle down like that, and you don’t want to be 30 years old and have regrets about how you spent your 20s.
And dude, if you’re only 22 and sex is already not great, or you’re not having much of it, that’s a problem, hombre. You have a lot of boners in your future. Use them.
So, I actually don’t care if this goes into the mailbag/would actually rather it not. But, since I kind of know you personally (big emphasis on kind of) and since you write an advice column, I feel like I can come to you with this.
I work at a corporate law firm that focuses primarily on start-ups so we will have a lot of them come in and present their product to us. One company came in about a month ago (5 weeks ago to be exact) and brought us lunch. Anyway, as soon as I saw the founder of the company I was completely smitten. On paper, he’s everything I am looking for in a partner. We talked for awhile and I felt like we totally hit it off, but I also realize that he was trying to sell a product. We ended up texting a lot for a few days after that. He is also a personal trainer so I would ask him random questions about fitness as an excuse to talk to him. The company is a healthy meal delivery service, so on the following Sunday he delivered my meals for the week to my apartment. We had a quick but good conversation and he asked personal questions which made me feel like he wasn’t just being nice because I was now a customer. So, that night I texted him asking if he wanted to grab dinner and drinks when I got back from vacation. He had gone to a wine & chili festival that weekend (which we had talked about earlier), so his response was “As long as it’s not a wine & chili combo! Definitely not doing that for awhile.”
I left for Nashville a few days later and he texted me while I was there to ask how it was going and we talked for a little bit. So, when I got back I texted him asking to let me know if there was a night that week that worked for him to get together. We ended up planning on going to a comedy show that Wednesday night. Wednesday morning he texted me that he had to train a client and then go check out an apartment with a buddy but was hoping to be done in time for the show. Well, he ended up not being able to go to the show and so he asked what my plans were that weekend. I was going to be out of town Saturday night, so I told him I was free on Friday. We didn’t make any set plans so on Friday I asked if he was able to get together. He said that he couldn’t but asked if I was going to be gone all day and night Saturday, which I was. So I told him that I know we have to work around his schedule because of how busy he is with his company, but that if he’s not interested then to just say so because I really don’t have time to put energy into someone who isn’t on the same page. He said that he is definitely interested, but that he has been putting his social life on hold right now because of the business (which I completely understand) and that once he is able to get a few more people hired, his life will slow down a lot which will hopefully happen in April. We have still been texting since then and last week he asked if I wanted to go paddle boarding (but he asked during the day and unlike him, I work normal business hours). I told him to let me know if he wanted to get together over the weekend and I haven’t heard from him. I know that he is super busy, but is he also just not interested? I have been pretty persistent which he even called out and said that I “should work in sales”. Do guys like that or should I just let it be and see if he reaches out once things slow down for him?
SORRY FOR THE NOVEL. Thanks in advance for the advice 🙂 When are you moving over my neck of the woods??
I wanted to make something clear: This is not an advice column. I simply answer questions about whatever you guys throw at me. It should be noted that I’m coming out of a failed relationship, so do what that what you will, regarding relationship advice.
That’s a lot of words, person I know from the gym and Bumble. The answer is this: I can’t possibly know if he’s into you based on the information given. I’d need to see text exchanges to figure it out. The way to the truth is to put the ball in his court and stop reaching out. Just be like “Let me know when you want to hang out” and put your phone down. If he makes the effort, he’s into you. If he never reaches out, he’s not.
I’m waiting for my house to sell, then I’m moving close to you. See you at the gym.
Ok – here’s a question about dating.
I’m a single female who makes $85K a year, is working on my masters right now, owns my own place, owns a car, has an adorable real dog (lab), can cook, have intelligent conversations, and I follow all major sports (and love to actually attend them). Basically, I have my shit together (and as soon as I finish grad school, my real estate empire will begin), except in the looks department. I’d give myself a solid 4 in the looks department.
I feel like I’ve got a lot to offer a guy but what can a lady do when the outside isn’t as awesome as the inside.
(I also am of the mindset there’s only so much makeup and hair products can do; sometimes you just need to accept you’re not a 9 and work with what you’ve got).
Thanks for any wisdom you’ve got for this.
This shit makes me sad. The world is full of uglies but to read words written by someone who thinks they’re ugly, about being ugly, is just the worst.
I have no idea what you look like so I’m answering this blind, as I should. You could be super hot and have some kind of facial/body dysmorphia or some shit.
Yeah you have a lot going for you and look like a 10 on paper. Good on you. You seem smart as hell and that’s really attractive. Being smart is like a three point bump, no lie. Finally, I’ll end with this: No matter what you look like, there are people out there who think you’re hot. People are into all different shapes and sizes, which is cool for all the uglies, you know. There are people out there into lazy eyes and FUPAs and weird birth marks and goiters and shit. They’ll find love and so will you.
You have a lot going for you across the board, and many people will agree. Cut out that ugly talk and be confident, because you have all the reasons to be..
The more questions I receive, the better this series is going to be, so send me your Mailbag questions to firstname.lastname@example.org and please put “Mailbag” in the subject line.