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Mailbag: Breaking Up With Your Barber, Not Committing To Her, And When To Visit The Old Stomping Grounds

Mailbag

Welcome to the PGP Mailbag, wherein I will answer questions from you, our readers. Send your questions to dillon@grandex.co.

Dillon, I’ll keep this simple.

We have a hot new assistant boss-in-training at work, and ya girl has been out of the game for a minute. By the end of next week he will transfer to a location about a half hour drive from where we currently work. He always says hello to me by name every time he sees me and I haven’t notice him call out anyone else with as much enthusiasm. But bless his heart he’s completely out of his element from whatever he was doing before (granted, he’s got potential) and it probably doesn’t help that he’s just been imported from somewhere far north of here.

Do I make a move at the end of the week? What kind of power move does a woman make on a man? Has a woman ever made a successful play on you? What made you give her your number or go to dinner?

Thanks

Hell yeah, you make your move. It’s 2017 and shit. Girls make moves all the time now. It doesn’t need to be any kind of power move, either. Just ask him to get drinks one night.

Since I started dating again, I’ve been asked out by several different young ladies, and I didn’t think it was weird at all. And I said yes each time. He’s moving to a different location so it’s not exactly like you’d be dating a coworker. Shooters shoot, so take your shot.

Hey Dillon,

I wanted to get your opinion on when one becomes too old to go to a frat party. I graduated in December 2015 and I’m 23 so not necessarily “old.” I went back once during spring 2016 and it was pretty normal. Am I getting out of range where it’s normal to go to parties at the house? (We don’t have an official house but it’s where a group of brothers lives. Like a satellite house for bigger schools I suppose.) Is bars a better play with the guys I still know? If it’s still cool to go a party, how do I play it? I can’t pull the old alum reliving the glory days since I’m still young but at the same time I don’t want to be the creepy old dude hitting on freshman if that’s not kosher.

Let me know how to play it if I go back to visit.

Okay well I have a pretty aggressive take on this, so take it for what it’s worth.

The only acceptable time it’s okay for you to return to your old fraternity house after you graduate is for specifically designated alumni events ONLY. The moment you graduate, and I mean the literal moment you move your tassel over, you cannot return to your fraternity house unless your are an expected visiting alumnus. Stopping by for a beer the morning of a tailgate for a big game, MAYBE, but do this once a year tops.

It makes you the loser who can’t move on from his glory days. Alumni golf tourneys, for example, provide you the opportunity to pretend like you’re in college again, so take advantage and throw down at the house. But if you show up on a random Friday night in the fall to rage with the active chapter, you’re a bonafide boner and deserve to be ridiculed.

Going to the bars around campus with guys you still know in the chapter, though, that’s perfectly acceptable and can be a hell of a good time.


Dillon,

Unlike my previous questions, I finally have a serious one, as you have known me for more than half a decade (at least over the internet). Am I a scumbag? A little backstory, I met a girl, quite possibly the greatest, most intelligent, most driven woman I’ve ever met. While she doesn’t live in the same city, or even state, I’m head over heels for her. Everyone around me sees it, everyone calls her my girlfriend even though we aren’t dating officially or exclusively. She asked me to be exclusive and I said no. Not because I don’t want to or because I don’t see myself marrying this woman, raising 4 dogs and 2 kids with her, but because I’m afraid I’ll miss an opportunity with some random girl I’ve never met. Maybe I’ll meet her at the wedding I’m going to this summer, maybe at the bar (definitely not through my friends who all think I’m dating her exclusively.) Am I a scumbag for this reasoning? (I know I’m a scumbag for plenty of other reasons)

Also who’s your favorite cricket team in the IPL (go Chennai Super Kings)

Are you a scumbag for not committing to someone (who is admittedly great) so you can possibly hook up with/date/sleep with/marry someone you’ve never met?

Ab. So. Lute. Ly. Fuck. Ing. NOT. I’d argue this makes you the opposite of a scumbag. It’s very honorable, actually. Committing to someone when you’re not ready and likely resulting in you having wandering eyes and “what if…?” thoughts is not good for anyone. It’s a foundation for a failed relationship. You’re doing the right thing and the fact that you’re asking this question makes me worry you’re receiving some really shitty pushback from people who don’t have your best interests in mind.

If there’s one thing you are absolutely supposed to be selfish about, it’s relationship stuff. Never make a relationship move to appease anyone other than yourself. FUCK this question is starting to upset me. AND it’s long distance. Duuuuuuuude. You’re doing the right thing and please don’t let anyone fill your head with all that noise.

I don’t understand your second question.

Good Afternoon Mr. Cheverere of the Post Graduate Realm,

Below is the knowledge I seek

1) How long does the hair have to be up top for a haircut to qualify as Fuckboy material? It’s clear Jordan Rogers was over the line but what about what Brad Pitt was rocking while kicking ass and taking names in Fury?

2) How does wine work? I personally avoid it when possible, but I suspect having a decent working knowledge of wine (beyond white is lighter, red is heavier and when in doubt order the second cheapest one off the menu) is an important life skill for fancier dates, events, etc.

3) I know you’re an Austin man by trade but is there anything worth checking out in the Texarkana area? I’m on a mission to visit and grab a beer in every state in the lower 48 that I haven’t already been to this summer. Normally I’d space the trip out more and see what Dallas/San Antonio/Austin all have to offer but right now I’m finishing out school then getting promoted at work in early May so my traveling will be limited to weekend trips. Geographically speaking, it seems like a good way to knock out 4 states I haven’t been to in a short amount of time and it loans itself well to a weekend trip but I figured I’d consult will the oracle at Dill-Phi first before I made any hard and fast plans.

Thanks for your words of wisdom and l hope you kick life squarely in the teeth this week.

1) I think when it’s long enough to require you to run your hand through it to tame it, it’s in fuckboy territory. Jordan Rodgers does this all the time — he pushes it back when it falls in his face. It’s a fuckboy identifier.

2) I don’t know, and I’m an admitted wino. Find a varietal you enjoy and buy the cheap stuff until you develop an advanced wine palette. Don’t be pretentious wine guy. Fuck that guy.

3) I have never been to Texarkana, nor do I ever plan to visit Texarkana. Texarkana has nothing for me there. I don’t know of a single reason to go there unless you’re driving through it. I understand it’s an easy stopping point for you, geographically speaking, but fuck.

Hey thanks, man. Back at you.


Dorn,

I’ve had a good relationship with my barber for the last two years. The haircuts have mostly been solid with a few not so good ones mixed in. Recently, she went on vacation for a month so i’ve gotten two haircuts from the guy who owns the shop and they’ve been great. What’s the move when she comes back now, do I have to go back to her or can I stick to this other guy?

The switch can’t be done. Two Seinfeld episodes come to mind that apply perfectly here. One is when Jerry wants to stop seeing his regular barber and switch to his barber’s nephew, who happens to work in the same barber shop. This applies, but the one I like better as a parallel is the roommate switch episode.

Jerry wants to switch from dating one roommate to the other, who is hotter and more charismatic. The basic gist is it can’t be done. You can’t sit in a chair in the same shop as a chair you used to sit in, just as you can’t sleep with someone when you were sleeping with her roommate just a week ago.

___

The more questions I receive, the better this series is going to be, so send me your Mailbag questions to dillon@grandex.co and please put “Mailbag” in the subject line.

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Dillon Cheverere

Dillon Cheverere is the Vice President of Media for Grandex, Inc. Dillon graduated (BBA) with a GPA sitting in the meaty part of the bell curve, not lagging behind, but not trying to show off, either. Golf is his game now. He's long off the tee but can't putt for shit. Email: dillon@grandex.co

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