Yeah, so you’re not exactly rolling in it. Doesn’t matter. Anyone who is single and has a steady stream of money coming in every two weeks can afford at least ONE nice thing. Luxury doesn’t always mean cost. Luxury means comfort. Comfort means peace of mind. When it comes to luxe, you don’t have to drop half of your paycheck on shit you don’t need. You got this.
A Bed Fit For A King
I used to spend many a night tossing and turning on $20 sandpaper sheets from Target. I finally decided that enough was fucking enough. I checked my bank account. I had about $60 of expendable income at my disposal at the time. Now, I could go out and grab a nice sixer, some Chipotle and maybe a new shirt or two from T.J. Maxx. I got the booze and burrito and headed off to get me some discontinued menswear. I figured I’d browse a bit, and I’m glad I did. I found myself in an unfamiliar section with bedspreads, duvets, and pillows. I remembered how terrible my sheets were. Then I saw them. Tommy Bahama Bamboo Breeze collection sheets: 800 thread count, Egyptian cotton, off-white. It even had a little Tommy Bahama logo on the pillowcases and top sheet. Terrified of what they would actually cost me, I hesitantly searched for the price tag. They were $34.99. You don’t have to break the bank for comfort. This is America.
Buying an expensive mattress is overrated. If you have a mattress and an extra $40 that need spending, here’s what you do. Head to Target or wherever, buy the cheapest comforter they have and then the cheapest mattress cover they have. Put the duvet down on the mattress, then put the mattress cover over it, then put the fitted sheet over everything. Congratulations, you now get to sleep in a cloud every night and you did it on the cheap.
A Cast Iron Skillet
There’s nothing quite like a 100 percent cast iron skillet. It makes you look like you know what the hell you’re doing in the kitchen. You can also get one for less than thirty bones. Hit up Williams-Sonoma or Crate & Barrel, and be sure you walk in there looking like you belong. Stroll confidently to their kitchenware section and scoop up that bad boy. Make sure it’s displayed prominently in your kitchen. If it was possible for a piece of cookware to be sexual, a cast iron skillet would be the sexiest. A good cast iron skillet makes a $6 steak taste like a $20 steak that you’d get at a decent restaurant. Season it with bacon and never use soap to clean it. The best meals you’ll ever eat will be cooked on it: steak, fish, breakfast food, the works. You’ll never buy another shitty non-stick pan again.
Real Furniture From A Real Furniture Store
I don’t know if I’ve ever been more intimidated than when I was buying furniture. The smell of fine leather goods filled my nostrils and I started tapping on my wallet through my jeans, as if to say, “Hey, gonna need you here in a bit, little buddy.” The thought of dropping nearly $1,000 on furniture instead of spending a reasonable $150 on a used Craigslist couch was a lot to handle. There is really nothing quite like trying to make Craigslist furniture your own. God knows what has happened on them. There’s definitely dried bodily fluids somewhere, they probably have been sitting in a garage for at least a month (SPIDERS). So, let me introduce you to my friend: ninety-day, same-as-cash financing. Just make sure you pay the entire thing off in ninety days or else get ready to be effed in the A by astronomical interest rates. The reason ninety-day financing exists is to screw over suckers like you and me who think they can pay off a $1,700 furniture set in ninety days, but I’m not telling you to buy a $1,700 furniture set. I’m telling you to go with your roommate to a nice little furniture outlet store that offers ninety-day financing, rack up a nice little $600 tab, and divvy up the payments over the next three months. Congratulations, you are now the proud owner of new furniture.
I’d almost say HBO qualifies as a necessity as long as you have a TV, but it’s a luxury anyone can afford. If an extra $16 on your cable bill is enough to send your monthly budget spinning out of orbit, then you probably shouldn’t have cable in the first place. Quit stealing your friends’ HBO GO passwords, buck up, and get yourself some premium programming. It’s not TV. It’s HBO..
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