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Life At 16 vs. Life At 26

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16: Got my first car!
26: Got my first company car.

16: How much does NoS cost?
26: How much do hybrids cost?

16: Debit card. I’m rich, bitch.
26: Expense account. I really am rich, bitch.

16: Got grounded for looking at porn on the family computer.
26: Got fired for looking at porn on my work computer.

16: Why haven’t I lost my virginity yet?
26: Why haven’t I gotten married yet?

16: School sucks.
26: Work sucks.

16: I wish high school lasted forever!
26: I wish college lasted forever.

16: I owe Chase from third period $20.
26: I owe Chase Student Loans $20,000.

16: When do I start applying for colleges?
26: When do I ask for another raise?

16: Family vacation to the Florida Keys.
26: I can’t find my keys.

16: Am I too old for the kids’ table at Thanksgiving?
26: I’m too old for the kids’ table at Thanksgiving.

16: Got drunk for the first time.
26: Got drunk for the first time this month.

16: If I get an MIP, my life is over.
26: If I get a DWI, my life really is over.

16: Really trying to get my girlfriend to have sex with me.
26: Really trying to get my girlfriend to do anal.

16: Oh, god. Please don’t be pregnant. I don’t want to be on MTV.
26: Oh, god. Please don’t be pregnant. I don’t want to marry you.

16: I’m starving. I’ll just eat these four double cheeseburgers from McDonald’s.
26: I’m starving. Salad is the worst.

16: These are my best friends in the world.
26: Haven’t talked to my high school friends in six years.

16: Xanga and MySpace.
26: Twitter and LinkedIn.

16: Hope mom doesn’t find my massive porn stash under my mattress.
26: Am I sure I used private browsing last night?

16: I want to be Justin Timberlake.
26: I want to be Justin Timberlake.

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Brian McGannon

What do I love? I love happy hour, a good golf tan, and getting moderately drunk during dinner.

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