Consider your morning rush hour commute. The road is packed with cars driven by idiots who don’t drive the speed limit, fail to exercise common courtesy towards fellow drivers, and are almost certainly playing on their phones instead of paying attention to what’s going on around them. It’s a drive that, under normal circumstances, would only take you a half-hour or so to make. Instead, it’s an hour-plus slog of wire-to-wire white knuckle tension that only ends when you finally arrive at your office for another soul-sucking day of work. It’s the perfect microcosm for how the rest of your day will go, and enough to drive anybody crazy.
For many people, this daily frustration sometimes manifests itself in the form of laying on the horn, screaming profanities no one outside your car can hear, and flipping the bird, among other methods of expressing anger. Others, however, might just hop out of their cars and duel right in the middle of the street. After all, what healthier release for road rage is there than grabbing some weapons and engaging in a little roadside combat? Well, that’s exactly what these two guys did yesterday morning at an intersection in Austin, TX during a red light.
— NoelDeric (@NoelDeric) January 25, 2016
There’s a lot to unpack in this 30-second video. It starts off with a clearly-aggrieved man wielding a bat approaching a pickup truck and the driver of the truck getting out of his vehicle to confront him. My first thought is, why on Earth would you think it’s a good idea to get out of the truck and get in the face of a guy who’s coming up to you with a bat? I guess when you’re sitting in the middle of the lane at a red light you don’t really have much of an escape, so he was faced with no other choice. I also love how he had to go back into his truck after getting out to put it in park. He was so amped to fight that he forgot that if he kept the thing in drive it would roll away.
With the Bat Man twirling his bat and ready to rumble, the Truck Guy reaches into the bed of his truck and arms himself with what looks to be a long, slim piece of wood siding. Truck Guy is smart for having a long stick in the back of his truck for self-defense or emergency siding installation. In fact, I believe Teddy Roosevelt once said “Speak softly and carry a big stick in case you need to whoop some ass in the middle of a busy street.” Or something like that.
Anyway, Truck Guy then strikes the first blow down low, but Bat Man blocks it and attacks while Truck Guy is prone. In fact, that would be the only strike Truck Guy gets in, as Bat Man counters with several blows of his bat while Truck Guy flails around like an epileptic. Although I have to wonder what material the bat is made out of– If that was an aluminum bat and Bat Man really struck Truck Guy that many times, Truck Guy would be a bloody pulp and eating food out of a straw for the rest of his life. Either that or he didn’t actually get hit.
The video ends with Bat Man emerging as the clear victor (In the sense that either of these dumbasses could “Win” in this scenario, that is), staring down Truck Guy as he backs away from his own truck. Bat Man stands tall and proud, having taken away not only Truck Guy’s weapon from him, but his pride as well.
I suppose this serves as a fair warning to those commuting within the Austin city limits: Exercise some common decency on the roads or prepare to have your ass beat by the Bat Man. He’s the hero Austin needs… Actually no he’s not, I’m pretty sure nobody wants to share the road with that maniac. .
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