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It Benefits You Financially To Be In A Relationship, So Figure It Out Or Die Poor

It Benefits You Financially To Be In A Relationship, So Figure It Out Or Die Poor

Oh, you’re worried about not finding the one before you turn thirty? Why, because all of your friends are getting married and you feel left out? Well, you better hold on tight, because things are about to get real. Turns out that your quest to find “the one” isn’t only draining you emotionally, but fiscally as well.

A new poll surveyed 2,000 British people between the ages of 18 and 30. The average single Londoner spent £5,772 ($7,580) more than the average person in a relationship, which averages out to $632 per month. With that much money, you could actually, like, save money. A concept most of us are foreign to.

When you break it down, it actually makes sense – the top three things you spend money on are takeout food, restaurants, and going out to bars and clubs. I’m not sure about you, but I know that I get club fever a lot less when I’m locked down. Everyone knows that the only reason you throw in on bottle service is in hopes of getting drunk and making some bad decisions that might lead to meeting someone who can tolerate you. And the stats back it up.

Researchers also found single people, on average, drink nearly three times as much as those in relationships. Specifically, singletons are spending $59 a week on booze, whereas people in relationships spend $22.

I don’t know who these people are that spend less than $60 a week on alcohol, but what we do know is that those people are complete squares. Last time I checked, a bottom-tier bottle of red at a restaurant will run you at least $30, and that’s after the $12 craft cocktails you have while waiting for your reservation. That alone maxes you out for the week, and if you’re splitting that bottle, you might have a buzz. But fuck it, at least you can pawn half of that tab off on your other half.

Here’s some advice for single people: wife someone of the opposite sex up STAT. If you live together, you can split rent on a one-bedroom. If you go out to dinner, sure, you might pay for the entire thing. But then you can use that as leverage later to get a completely free meal. And because you’re not going out trying to mingle and tingle, you end up falling asleep four hours earlier which is four hours less that you’re buying hella voddy-sodas. You’re splitting a $20 bottle of cabernet, watching three episodes of whatever series is hot at the moment, and waking up without a hangover.

(I’m just kidding, going out and overspending on drinks is awesome so hold on to being single for as long as you can.)

[via Elite Daily]

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Will deFries

Will deFries (Twitter / Instagram) is a Senior Writer at Grandex and the world's foremost authority on Sunday Scaries. Email me at will@grandex.co.

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