I’m Trying And Failing At Being An Early Morning Workout Guy

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I'm Trying And Failing At Being An Early Morning Workout Guy

“Everyone’s watching, to see what you will do. Everyone’s looking at you, ohhh” blasts into the cold morning air. My alarm set to “Working for the Weekend” by Loverboy is going off, but something isn’t right. This isn’t the normal time I’m supposed to wake up. I reach over to hit the snooze before I realize that I can’t. Somehow, someway, I’ve convinced myself that I have to hit the gym before work. Is it an intelligent, healthy move that will leave me better in the long run? Yes. Is it a soul-crushing exercise of dragging my nearly lifeless body to perform a halfhearted workout? Also yes.

The pre-work workout is something constantly being touted in columns and articles all over the Internet about “what successful people do.” I was told it would put me in a great mood and give me energy throughout the day. I was told it would revolutionize my workout. So, as a new post grad, I figured I’d give it a try. As much as I’ve seen some level of results — I’ve turned one ab into two — I’m starting to question if it’s really worth it.

Sure it’s nice to show up in the office and not have to worry about hitting the gym later because I already took care of it. I enjoy seeing myself getting into better shape and living a healthier lifestyle. It even gives me a little confidence boost as my body starts to look halfway decent that I can go out and meet a nice girl at the local bar, but good god, at what cost? Despite all these and the fact that it clears my nightly schedule up for the occasional date or night out with friends, I just don’t think I can keep this up.

Some of my colleagues swear by it. They claim starting to exercise in the morning changed their life and they could never go back. Fuck those people. I don’t need that kind of positivity in my life. Plus, I’d be willing to bet some cold hard cash that they’re lying. Anyone who thoroughly enjoys waking up an hour earlier to hit the gym is not someone I want to be spending any more time with than absolutely necessary. I’ll stick to my dive bars and borderline dad bod, you take your green smoothies and fit Insta posts. We can share athleisure, but outside of that, leave your inspirational quotes and blender bottles at home.

Maybe if I stick with it, I’ll get used to early morning workouts. They say that it takes about three weeks to build a habit, so maybe one day I’ll learn to love it. Perhaps one day I’ll become one of the much-loathed morning workout warriors that I currently love to hate.

Yeah right. I know I’m only going to give it a few more days before I call it quits. As an adult child, my willpower and discipline is frighteningly low. The odds I keep this up are even lower. It’s just a matter of time before the clutches of bed and a decent night’s sleep bring me back to reality. I just wasn’t built to work out in the morning. It just isn’t meant to be.

For those of you who have recently taken the plunge into the world of morning workouts, I wish you the best. You’re better than me and I accept that now. Just please, please, please do myself and all the others out there who can’t stand early morning workouts a favor. Fight the urge to rub it in all of our faces that while we were fast asleep, you were grunting and sweating your way towards the beach bod that we only dream about. Just don’t let the air of superiority you get from working out in the morning follow you into the workplace.

Recently tried working out in the morning? Share your experience in the comments below. For now, I’m hitting the snooze button and leaving the gym where it belongs.

Image via Shutterstock

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