I work in a fairly uptight office. There are many downsides to its stuffiness – the dress code, the hierarchy, the inability to blast 2000s rap on my computer when my boss is in – but there is one upside: the official office candy dish is positively pathetic, which is a plus if you’re dieting.
Kept at the receptionist’s desk (since it’s “technically” for visitors), the office candy dish at my place of employment is filled with all the wrapped candy you’d expect to find in your grandma’s purse: Starlight mints, Life Savers, those weird flavored Tootsie Rolls. In short, nothing too tempting, and even if I have a wild craving for a peppermint, the ten calories isn’t going to put a dent in my tally for the day.
So all was well in office candyland…until she started. That bitch we’ll call Deb. Actually, Deb is seriously a perfectly lovely person who I like a lot, but she did a horrible thing: she decided to keep a candy dish for everyone at her desk. The desk I walk by at least ten times a day on my way to the printer/copier. It’s filled with snack-sized versions of all the good stuff: Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups, Twix, Kit-Kats. Suddenly, I had a four-pieces-of candy-a day-habit that I just couldn’t break. I was a sugar junkie and Deb was my supplier. Sure, I tracked the calories…kind of. I mean, who can actually remember if they had three snack-sized Snickers or six? Not me.
Given that my boss said Deb is a “good worker” and “a valuable member of the team” when I tried to get her fired so her candy dish would go away, I had to develop other strategies to cope with the temptation. If you have a Deb in your office, here are some tips:
Water It Down. This is actually a good strategy to employ when you are having a craving for anything not-diet-friendly. Whenever I feel the need to stroll by Deb’s desk to pluck a Hershey’s Kiss, I force myself to chug whatever flavored water in my tumbler first. Not only does the chug of water fill me up and diminish the craving, it also helps me reach my 64-ounces of water a day goal, which I admittedly struggle with. Plus, the walk to the bathroom is in the opposite direction of the candy dish.
Take The Long Way. This is so stupidly annoying, but whenever I need to go somewhere that would normally lead me past (candy) temptation, I just take the long route. Does that take time away from my day that I could have spent being productive? Sure. Do I give a shit as long as the scale goes down? Nope. And I’m getting in extra steps so I get that satisfying buzz from my FitBit telling me I reached my step goal for the day.
Give Yourself An Allowance. In order to ween myself from my candy addiction, I decided that I was “allowed” to have two pieces a day: one in the morning and one in the afternoon. Would it be better to not eat it at all? Sure. But let’s be honest, a life not eating candy is not the kind of life I want to live, and as long as I’m tracking it (Pro-Tip: I use MyFitnessPal), two Hershey’s Kisses a day aren’t going to derail this diet train.
Donate Candy You Hate. This is where shit gets devious. Deb thinks I’m being all nice, buying candy for her dish since she uses her own money to replenish the goodies. But in reality, I’m filling it with things I don’t like so I don’t eat them – so bring on the Milk Duds, Charleston Chews, and the White Chocolate Kit Kats.
And if all else fails…start sabotaging Deb. Sure, it’s a shitty thing to get someone fired, but it’s better than sabotaging your diet.
Starting weight to Lose: 30 pounds
Week 1 Results: – 1.1 pounds
Week 2 Results: – 2.1 pounds
Remaining weight to lose: 26.8 pounds
Also, if you want to follow along with me, friend me on MyFitnessPal or FitBit!..
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