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If Thanksgiving Foods Were Football Players Because Why The Hell Not?

With Thanksgiving in the crosshairs and my cubicle neighbor playing “Holly Jolly Christmas,” I feel like Thanksgiving doesn’t get the credit it deserves. While I don’t love the holiday season, Thanksgiving food is the cut and dry winner for the “Best Holiday Food” superlative.

Thanksgiving is the time to give thanks, see your family for one of the 2-4 times a year and not feel bad about eating more than an Olympic athlete. It is an American tradition that I can get behind. Personally, I make all of my own food because doing otherwise is lazy. Thanksgiving is a time to eat home cooked food. Thanksgiving food is typically of the medium skill level, so have at it.

Both college and professional football are staples of Thanksgiving. While realignment has killed some of the great rivalries (RIP Backyard Brawl, UT vs A&M, Borderwar, etc.), football brings together people as much as they divide. I have decided to give positions to Thanksgiving foods.

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Madoff

I specialize in damage control, being the drunkest at any and all functions and social assassination. Always appreciate a strong gif game. Follow me on Twitter. Sometimes I put up cool stuff about golfing at the local dirt tracks.

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