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If Having Sex Once A Week Makes You Happier Than Earning $50k More A Year, Congrats on Being The World’s Biggest Idiot

If Having Sex Once A Week Makes You Happier Than Earning $50k More A Year, Congrats on Being The World’s Biggest Idiot

I’m not gonna bury the lede here, so, the Personality and Psychology Bulletin published a study claiming that people who have sex with their significant other once a week would be happier than making $50,000 more dollars a year in lieu of sex once a week. Read the whole thing if you want, but I’ve come to my own conclusion about this.

This is the dumbest hypothetical ever. So you’re telling me that people would want to give up $1000 dollars for every time you have sex with someone who you already get to have sex with? Do you know how ridiculous that is?

Him: “Hello, yes. One sex, please.”
Her: “Splendid. That will be one thousand dollars.”
Him: “Deal.”

I know exactly what happened here. They asked the couples at the same time instead of individually. The dudes just froze as their ladies glared at them with a look that said “Yeah, honey. What’s this p***y worth?” Poor, poor fellas. They had no chance. That, or they just asked a bunch of teenagers who have no concept of how much money $50,000 dollars is and just how awesome that sum of money is.

If your SO rolled over and said they’d trade $50k more a year just to hump once a week, I hope you would dump their broke ass right then and there. I’m not one to turn my nose up at affection and coitus…

If Having Sex Once A Week Makes You Happier Than Earning $50k More A Year, Congrats on Being The World’s Biggest Idiot

…but I’m also not one to turn my nose up at an amount of cash that would rocket me well into another tax bracket.

I got several very handsome deposits in my bank account today. It was awesome. I woke up with a huge smile on my face. Made me feel all warm and fuzzy inside. Cuddling and smooching makes me feel all warm and fuzzy inside too, but you know what’s not gonna pay for my spring wardrobe, a PS4, an OLED TV or trips to South Beach, Scottsdale and New Orleans in the next six months? Cuddling and smooches. At least not legally. I realized a long time ago that selling my body for profit just wasn’t in the cards for me.

Money is awesome. Sex is great. If I had to choose money over sex, I’m choosing money every time. Whoever said money can’t buy you happiness likely never had much of both to begin with. Does that make me a shitty person to say that? Probably.

“Nobody’s happy in this town except for the losers. Look at me, I’m miserable. That’s why I’m rich.” -Ari Gold

So, if you want to stay in bed and cuddle all day like a no-money, debt ridden monster who only cares about sins of the flesh, you are more than welcome to. I’ll be out here, selling my soul to The Man for steady pay and health insurance.

[via Cosmopolitan]

Image via Shutterstock

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Brian McGannon

What do I love? I love happy hour, a good golf tan, and getting moderately drunk during dinner.

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