Columns

I Stopped Giving A Shit At Work And I’ve Never Felt Better

I Stopped Giving A Shit At Work And I've Never Felt Better

Eighteen.

That’s the number of people who have either left for better jobs or gotten fired in the year and a half that I’ve been at my small company. Our Glassdoor page reads like the first draft of a Comedy Central roast. The turnover rate is so high that I now actively avoid getting to know the new hires since there’s a good chance they’ll be gone before October. Sometimes I go to a park two blocks away and look at dogs for half an hour to avoid doing real work.

To be blunt, I hate my job and everyone here. Except Carl. Carl’s cool.

There are advantages. My manager works from home three days a week. Sometimes I leave 20 minutes early. Nobody gives a shit.

I changed my schedule so now I work 8:00-4:00 every day. I usually get in at 7:45. Then I play NBA Jam online for 45 minutes before checking my email and starting work. When other people arrive, I acknowledge their existence with a nod, plug my headphones into my work station, and continue playing NBA Jam online. Sometimes Carl and I talk about the Premier League. These are the only conversations in my day that give me joy.

Two weeks ago, I got yelled at for entering a conversation about breakfast cereals “too aggressively.” I’m sorry I like Cinnamon Toast Crunch more than I like any of the actual people here.

All of my work assignments are massive and usually take days to complete. This gives me ample time to not give a shit. Not giving a shit usually consists of throwing my resume into the void on Indeed, bullshitting on Twitter, hoping I get more freelance writing work from my company, and going on PGP to see if they finally published Nived instead of another Reddit list.

The days pass with mechanical efficiency. I know at some point I’ll find something better. But deep down, I don’t want to leave Carl behind.

Image via Shutterstock

Email this to a friend

Parker Jammstein

Stand-up comic. Soccer nerd. Water polo enthusiast. Eater of burritos. NY/NJ.

28 Comments You must log in to comment, or create an account

Show Comments

For More Photos and Content

Latest podcasts

Download Our App

Take PGP with you. Get

New Stories

Load More