A couple of months ago, I made the wisest economic decision of my postgrad career. I sold my gas-guzzling pickup truck to a young Marine and bought a small used sedan. I knew my life would change for the better as I saved hundreds of dollars in gas, but I never realized how much my life would change for the worse. I realized I would probably be sad when I couldn’t throw empty beer cans in my bed or drive through mud puddles for absolutely no reason at all, but I would get over it. What I didn’t realize is the disrespect I would now receive on the road.
When you drive a truck, drivers tend to give you a little bit of room. Whether it’s respect or just fear that you will run them over, they usually stay out of the way and give you space. Other drivers would let me out in front of them, let me merge, and they would let me go first at stop signs. They would let me go ahead at the one-lane bridge, and it may be a Virginia thing, but many would wave at me as I drove by. I never drove like a douche, and I respected everyone around me. But now I will forever regret the day that I took a one-way flight to Cleveland on a Tuesday morning to buy a 2006 Mercury Milan with a salvage title from some guy named Tony, which is a story in and of itself.
I’ve never owned a small car. I’ve had a couple trucks and a Pontiac Bonneville. Nobody messes with the guy driving an old Pontiac Bonneville except the police, which is again another story for another time. I have usually been able to enjoy the road besides psycho Northern Virginia drivers, but this new small car life is making me question everything. Every driver out there hates me. They bully me. They cut me off and ignore me when I’m trying to get over. Everyone rides my ass so close that when I sneeze they turn on their wipers. I feel like some little bitch out there getting bullied by 17-year-old girls and elderly people behind the wheels of giant metal machines. I can’t even defend myself. If I tailgate back, I get laughed at. If I cut someone off, I will get run over. This is bullshit. I’ve had some rough experiences so far:
Prius tailgated me so hard that I couldn’t even see their hood in my rear view mirror.
Tractor trailer came right on over into my lane and just pushed me right into the median.
Waited my turn at the one-lane bridge and while I crossed slowly a Maserati came barreling across as if I was invisible.
Some douche in a Tesla almost t-boned the shit out of me in a gas station parking lot that he decided he wanted to cut through.
I cannot think of any other reason for all the disrespect other than the fact that I drive a basic ass little silver car. I am a good driver, hell, I even have NASCAR bloodlines. I use my blinker, I don’t tailgate, I pay attention, and give everyone all the room they need. So why am I a public enemy? Do I have a death wish written on my back window that I can’t see? Did Tony sell me a cursed car? Am I going to die? I don’t know, but I sure as hell miss my truck now..
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