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I Snitched On The Maintenance Crew And All Hell Is Breaking Loose

I Snitched On The Maintenance Crew And All Hell Is Breaking Loose

I don’t condone snitching, but something had to give.

Here’s the short of the long: the maintenance crew needed to come into our condo unit to do some pipe maintenance. Fair enough. A note was on our door a few days in advance reading, “we will be in your unit 11/7 and 11/8 for pipe maintenance.” Ok, fair enough. I understand all condos need maintenance. But, then I kept reading to the next paragraph. The verbiage read “we will be in your unit until the project is complete.” “Until the project is complete,” what in the hell is this college try bullshit? “Do you not have some sort of timeline?” Whatever, they’ll just be here when I’m at work, or so I thought.

Fast forward to 11/9 and I’m returning around 9 p.m. from a long day of living the fucking dream. Thinking I’m going to light a candle, pour me a tall boy of Bordeaux and sit in my bathtub contemplating everything in my life, I walk in the door to see three grown ass men still in my unit, but not really doing a whole lot of pipe fixing. They’re not even apologetic about it. Actually, they were having fun and joking around. Just shooting the shit like old friends do at Thanksgiving and Christmas. “What the fuck” I think to myself. Not being one for unnecessary confrontation, I say, “hey guys I didn’t know you’d be in here. When do you think you will be done?” Getting stares like I’m not the person who pays rent to live there, the building “engineer” (handyman at best) says he’s not sure and then turns away. Huh, it’s now 9:04 p.m. and I’m confused as to why there are other people besides my roommates in my god damn castle. I go to my room, close the door, and call it a night.

Now it’s 11/10 and again I’m getting home around 9 p.m. Thinking it couldn’t possibly happen again, I walk in to the same three assholes in my hallway, and now I can see they had been in my room. I walk down the hallway without saying a word to them and walk into my room to find half of my closet clothes, dresser, shotgun and other items people keep in closets out in my room and put on my bed. “WHAT. THE. FUCK” would be an understatement. My window is open, stuff moved aside, and a bunch of pipes running out my window. Again, not quite understanding if I’m on a weird HGTV version of Punk’d, I ask politely, “what is going on?” Again, I’m looked at like I don’t pay rent to live in this room and he said again, “not sure man this is taking a little longer than expected but we should be done soon.

Blah blah blah we got our landlord involved and she was pissed to say the least. Feeling advantageous (this is capitalism in the purest form) I recommended she discount our rent for the month. As much as I feel for her that she made a poor investment and can’t sell our place due to the absurdly high condo fees, in the end, I don’t pay you slightly below market average in rent to live with these three assholes (the word asshole was never once used in actual conversation, it’s more for dramatic effect). A little back and forth and boom, only need to pay 1/2 rent for December. Ahhh, sometimes when you pick a battle and you win, it just makes you feel fuckin’ alive again.

Fast forward to Dec 2, 2016 and we are now battling. I think the three assholes got wind of us chatting with our landlord and she is not a quiet lady when it comes to her property’s well being. She apparently camped out in our place from 9-5 for the past few days to supervise and the three assholes did not take well to it. There is now an aggressive game going on that so far, consisting of cheeky pranks and mind-fucks; shenanigans if you will. For one, a porno was ordered on our cable bill. I think I know my guys well enough to know that they prefer watching on the iPad. They also left each one of us a screen door in our bedrooms. Like who the fuck are these guys and how did I get so lucky to fall into their tornado of mediocrity. I have shit to do every day too man; stop being a road bump in my already shaky lifestyle. I’m hanging on by a thread here dammit.

I don’t need this.

Image via Shutterstock

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Jonathan Rocker

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