As someone who is used to taking the unpopular position, I totally understand any of you who read the title of this column and thought, ‘What a freaking moron.’ At first glance, this seems like a masochistic opinion, or a way to justify my own actions by saying that I’m fine if it is done to me. Wrong. Before you judge me for taking this controversial stand, hear me out. At the end of the day, ghosting is just a brutally rational decision, and that’s okay.
The argument against ghosting always goes something along the lines of “show some common decency and at least talk to them if you’re not interested.” Five years ago, I might have agreed with you, but as I’ve waded my way through the ultra thin, lubricated, ribbed waters of the bikini waxed world of modern dating, my opinion on the matter has changed completely.
At the end of the day, if someone isn’t interested in you, what is there left to say? The copy-and-pasted “sorry, I just didn’t feel a connection, good luck!?” What the heck does that even accomplish? What the heck does that even mean? It’s a first date. Are we so desperate to feel some romanticized rom-com love at first sight that we bolt if our date isn’t perfect? I don’t want to sit around for that half-assed explanation.
That’s what it ultimately will be. You really only have two choices when it comes to lack of interest. You can either get ghosted in any of its forms, including the slow-fade, or you can ask why. Oh, yes, asking why someone wasn’t interested in you should make it so much better. Let them tell you everything that’s wrong with you if they so desire. It may even lead to an argument. Sounds like fun to me. What’s life without meaningless conflict? And none of that will change their mind—their mind is made up. Roll with it. Nothing they have to say will do you any benefit. “You’re a great guy/girl but…” rings hollow. “I didn’t feel a connection” sounds like bullshit. “I’m looking for something long term and I don’t think you are” will just lead to an argument. Or a restraining order. That chick is the one that will Lorena Bobbitt you.
Rejection sucks in any form. You can’t win them all. Luckily, our Animal Planet-esque hump-and-dump-until-you-find-your-chump dating world only requires you to win once. There truly are plenty of fish in the sea. Enough to give you mercury poisoning. No use getting an explanation as to why someone isn’t interested in you. That’s the quickest way to get hung up on someone you’ll never have. If you don’t hear from the person, fine, you didn’t mean much to them in the first place, which means they aren’t worth your time.
Getting ghosted really isn’t a bad thing. You really, really don’t need to know the real reason why someone wasn’t into you and you don’t need to waste your energy asking. Unless you are on some self-transformational therapeutic search for yourself, in which case you probably shouldn’t be near anyone’s parts. I certainly don’t want to know, I’m happy with who I am. So good luck everyone, but sorry, I didn’t feel a connection..
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