I’m sure that some people would consider me a bit of a northern snob. I’ve never really enjoyed going to the South, and I put it off whenever possible. I live a pretty fast-paced life, and few things grind my gears quite like people who move slowly. Fuck taking the time to smell the roses, I’ve got shit to do! Sure, Southern hospitality sounds great, but I actually find it pretty irritating. It slows me down and makes me uncomfortable. I don’t know how to respond to people being overly nice, and I end up saying shit that doesn’t make any sense. People will say, “Hi, how are you?” and expect a real response. So much genuineness with complete strangers can’t be healthy. Just give me my damn snacks and shut the hell up.
Considering how ignorant I’ve been, I was fully expecting the worst leading up to a recent obligatory trip that took me to Georgia, Alabama, and Mississippi, but I must say that my mind has been changed in many ways. Sure, I still wanted to break things when cashiers would stop ringing shit up to have a conversation with every single person in the line, but I think I owe the South an apology.
One of the primary concerns of mine was finding things to do. I had a feeling that while lush and green, the South would be pretty damn desolate and not have anything fun to do. I was wrong. Though I wasn’t near any legit metropolis for the majority of my stay, I was thoroughly entertained. Before I give away too much credit, I was pretty wasted this entire trip so that might have been keeping me in a good mood. I didn’t expect much from the casinos in Mississippi, especially since I grew up around an abundance of casinos in NJ, but they weren’t bad. Although the clubs were pretty damn weak, I take the experience as a win. I ended up walking away with some money, and parking was free-ninety-nine. The parking situation alone blew my damn mind, because to leave your car in a garage in Atlantic City on a Friday night in the summer can run you about $30. That’s money that can definitely be used towards alcohol (unless you’re the driver, because safety).
Based off of television, which we all know to be super reliable, I was expecting to see a bunch of women who looked like Honey Boo Boo’s mom. Wrong again! I have a new appreciation for southern belles after encountering all of the Carrie Underwoods and Kelly Rowlands of the South (I say Kelly because she’s hot, but I think it’s a law that no one can look as good as Beyoncé). Sure, it was ten thousand degrees, and the humidity made it feel like I was an unborn fetus, but are short shorts a year-round thing there? If so, sign me up!
It might actually do me some good to take it easy and not always feel like I’m in a rush, but I’m a work in progress. Look at that! Potential personal growth!
So, South, you were pretty damn good to me, even though I didn’t deserve your kindness. I’m a changed man, and I’d like to offer my sincerest apologies. Although I started this off by talking shit, I’m sure you’ll be happy to accommodate my stuck-up, northern ass in the near future, because that’s the hospitable thing to do. Thank you, and keep up the good work!.
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