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I Got My First Real World Ass Chewing

I Got My First Real World Ass Chewing

Raise your hand if you’ve coasted through life never missing an appointment, deadline, or a meeting. While I’m sure it’s maybe like five you, I was in this category until about 1:31 p.m. on a cold, frightful December afternoon in the boss’s corner office of the Fortune 500 job I weaseled my way into. Apparently, there really is a first time for everything. Yesterday, I was 30 minutes late for a meeting with my boss, who just happens to be the most no-bullshit boss in my entire office, and the minute I walked into her office, she gave me a good ol’ Nick Saban to Lane Kiffin ass-chewing and all I could do is feel like I’ve regressed to a 5-year-old whose Mom just yelled at him for leaving his Hot Wheels on the kitchen floor.

This becomes a new feeling. Honestly, it’s gut-wrenching. Naturally, I walked out of her office in a moderately cold sweat and my heart pounding. Truthfully, I walked into my office, closed the door, and Googled “how to move home” because I was so paranoid that my boss would just pop in before 5 p.m. and fire me on the spot.

I was always the guy who would roll into a chapter meeting even minutes early, somehow, even though I was 9 beers in on a Monday. I never even missed one of those shitty 12 a.m. meetings I had when I worked retail in high school (fuck you American Eagle and your damn sweatshops). So now I’m sitting here wondering 100 different things like “Does she have a 3-strike policy and did I just waste one on the UPS Store and some tacos?!” Tacos, arguably 100% worth it, UPS Store mailing a check for hundreds of dollars….absolutely not worth it. Amongst numerous other “Oh my God, I’m poor, live 18 hours from home, what am I going to do if something happens!?” thoughts.

Regardless, I’m not one of those people who feels the need to quit after a good, well-warranted tongue lashing. With the way society works today, no doubt in my mind some kid would have walked out in tears, sued the company, and protested out in the front parking lot because he or she was offended. Hell, if Lane Kiffin can get an ass-chewing and then become a head coach again, I think at the age of 25, I’ll survive a two minute lecture on carelessness and responsibility.

Stay punctual, my friends.

Image via Shutterstock

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