Columns

I Can’t Follow You On Instagram Because It’s Already Awkward

I Can't Follow You On Instagram Because It's Already Awkward

I need to tell you something and I don’t think there’s a good way to do it. It’s been running through my mind for a while now but I haven’t been able to figure out how to remedy the situation or make things less uncomfortable between us. And, well, I just don’t know what to do at this point but be upfront and honest with you – I don’t follow you on Instagram.

It’s not because I think you take terrible photos and it’s not because I don’t like you. That’s not the case at all. It’s just that, well, I don’t know. Here, before we get into the reasons I don’t follow you, let me just say this – it’s not because I unfollowed you. Unfollowing is reserved for people who over-post, people who never post, and those old coworkers who you never liked in the first place. You don’t fall into that category, okay? You’re better than those people and I want you to know that before you begin to hate me more than you already do right now.

It’s just… it’s just awkward at this point.

There was a moment when I first got on Instagram where I just followed people that were connected to my Facebook account. Whether we were friends or not at that point is neither here nor there. We probably were, but like I said, it’s neither here nor there so let’s just move on.

There was a brief, unexplainable period where you followed me. Perhaps I wasn’t using Instagram that much yet (I was) or maybe I didn’t realize that you had followed me (but I probably did because I see everything that goes across my activity feed, including those accidental likes from my ex-girlfriend’s new boyfriend). But for whatever reason, I didn’t follow you. It’s possible that I thought I’d do it later, and it’s likely I just didn’t want to seem obsessive and eager by following you back immediately. But like I said, it’s unexplainable. But that’s still no excuse for not following you in the first place.

As weeks went by and you kept liking my photos, thoughts ran through my head – “Ugh, I need to follow them back,” and “Are they only liking my photos because they know I don’t follow them?” There were times when I couldn’t tell if you were messing with me, if you were fishing for me to follow you back, or if you actually like my photo. This probably isn’t any consolation, but I do want you to know that I saw your likes and appreciated your likes.

But I know that doesn’t make things better.

As weeks turned into months, I even came up with strategies to make things right. I told myself to follow you and immediately follow up with a text that read something to the effect of, “Oops, I accidentally unfollowed you which is probably why you just got notified that I followed you!” But that’s too obvious. Then I was going to try to follow you after you posted a photo so the notification would get lost in a sea of likes. But even then, you notice when someone follows you. And then, one night, I was going to follow you while I knew you were drunk in hopes you’d forget that I had never followed you in the first place. But then I got really drunk and forgot to do it.

Either way, I need you to know that I know and I feel badly about it. I’m praying you don’t have that app that tells who doesn’t follow you back. I’m begging that you never have the realization that our ten-year friendship didn’t mean enough to me to immediately follow you back. And most of all, I’m really hoping you don’t realize I don’t follow you which could result in you unfollowing me, because I can’t take that type of shot to my ego.

But I do want to say this: I’m sorry, and I simply can’t follow you on Instagram because it’s already awkward enough as it is.

Image via Shutterstock

Email this to a friend

Will deFries

Will deFries (@WilldeFries) is the world's foremost authority on Sunday Scaries. Writer, Editor, and Content Manager at Post Grad Problems. Email me at will@grandex.co.

25 Comments You must log in to comment, or create an account
Show Comments

For More Photos and Content

Latest podcasts

Download Our App

Take PGP with you. Get

New Stories

Load More