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Hungover (A Postgrad Poem)

Hungover (A Postgrad Poem)

The Post Grad version of Shel Silverstein’s Sick.

I cannot go to work today,
Said old post grad problems, Cate,
I feel so sick, I just threw up,
Will someone bring me 7-Up?
My eyes are red, my mouth is dry,
I really think I’m gonna die.
My head is pounding like a drum,
And I think last night I smashed my thumb,
And look at that – my pointer too,
Jesus Christ, my hand’s no use.
My foot is cut, that stupid shoe,
I guess that I can’t walk now too.
I gag and limp and trip and yawn,
By now I look like Satan’s spawn,
My head hurts when I move my hand,
I almost puke whenever I stand,
My eyes are red, my brain is tired,
Oh my God, I am so fucking fired,
My back is sore, my stomach aches.
I feel so cold, I’ve got the shakes,
The spins are here, I can’t see straight,
I think I’m gonna puke…no wait,
The cottonmouth is so severe,
Why, oh why did I drink all that beer?
My stomach turns, my head is hot,
I’m dripping drool and lots of snot,
My eye just twitched, this is not okay,
I think I must call in sick today,
I cannot move, my mouth’s on – what?
What’s that? What’d you say, friend?
You said it’s…the weekend?
Oh, I knew it, I had a hunch!
Anyone down for a mimosa brunch?

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Catie Warren

Catie struggles with adulthood and has been celebrating her 21st birthday for the past three years. She attended college in the nation’s capital and to this day is angry that Pit Bull lied to her, as you cannot, in fact, party on The White House lawn. Prior to her success with PGP, Catie was most famous for being featured in her hometown newspaper regarding her 5th grade Science Fair Project for which she did not place. In her spare time, she enjoys attributing famous historical quotes to Marilyn Monroe and getting in fights with thirteen year olds on twitter. Email: catie@grandex.co

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