The Post Grad version of Shel Silverstein’s Sick.
I cannot go to work today,
Said old post grad problems, Cate,
I feel so sick, I just threw up,
Will someone bring me 7-Up?
My eyes are red, my mouth is dry,
I really think I’m gonna die.
My head is pounding like a drum,
And I think last night I smashed my thumb,
And look at that – my pointer too,
Jesus Christ, my hand’s no use.
My foot is cut, that stupid shoe,
I guess that I can’t walk now too.
I gag and limp and trip and yawn,
By now I look like Satan’s spawn,
My head hurts when I move my hand,
I almost puke whenever I stand,
My eyes are red, my brain is tired,
Oh my God, I am so fucking fired,
My back is sore, my stomach aches.
I feel so cold, I’ve got the shakes,
The spins are here, I can’t see straight,
I think I’m gonna puke…no wait,
The cottonmouth is so severe,
Why, oh why did I drink all that beer?
My stomach turns, my head is hot,
I’m dripping drool and lots of snot,
My eye just twitched, this is not okay,
I think I must call in sick today,
I cannot move, my mouth’s on – what?
What’s that? What’d you say, friend?
You said it’s…the weekend?
Oh, I knew it, I had a hunch!
Anyone down for a mimosa brunch?