Thanksgiving is officially in the books. That means good-bye Pumpkin Spice latte and hello Gingerbread latte. That also means the time-honored tradition of the office holiday party is just around the corner.
Office parties are usually a mixed back of unpredictability: tedious, festive, boring, scandalous, embarrassing, or even sometimes fun. Where else can you drink free booze and watch people ruin their careers or reputations in a single night?
In the interests of helping you navigate this night of eye-rolls and eggnog, here are a few tips on how to get through your holiday party this year:
1. Don’t skip it.
2. Pre-game with comfort food. It might be a long night and you don’t want to be the first one looking inebriated.
3. Show up on time. Most seniors do. Hang out with them for the first half hour, and then keep your distance. No one likes a kiss ass.
4. Don’t check your work emails. No one is impressed.
5. Don’t act too excited about the open bar.
6. Men: Wear what your wore to the office. The guy who shows up in skinny jeans clearly has too much free time.
7. Women: Change into something elegant.
8. Don’t talk shop.
9. If your boss’s boss doesn’t already know your name, don’t waste your time talking to them.
10. Get your adversaries as drunk as possible.
11. Don’t flirt or dance with junior staff at the main event. Wait until the after party.
12. If it comes up in conversation, of course Die Hard isn’t the greatest Christmas movie ever. Bad Santa is.
13. Hold your wine glass by the stem. And in your left hand.
14. Get the secretaries drinking and gossiping. Dodgy expenses. Interoffice affairs. Bonus numbers. Headcount discussions. They know it all.
15. Thank the person who organized the party logistics, especially if she’s hot, and planning on attending the after party.
16. No social media. If you’re posting to Instagram or Snapchat, people won’t trust you.
17. Put your card behind the bar at the after party. It makes you the designated leader, and you can probably still expense it.
18. Make sure your iPhone alarm clock is already set for the morning.
19. Always be first into the office the next day.
20. If you actually need a list of holiday party guidelines, go ahead and get wild and crazy. You’re probably going to get fired soon anyway.
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