Sundays. They’re meant to be slow, thoughtful, intentional. And they’re also made to get a fuckton of likes.
Think about it. Everyone’s winding down from a long weekend out. We’re all firmly planted on our couches soaking in football, binge-watching Netflix, and texting our friends, “Ugh, I hate my life right now.” But what are we doing in between all of that loafing? Checking our notifications and scrolling our fuckin’ feeds. Why? Because liking other people’s photos (and getting those reciprocal likes) makes us feel better than ourselves while simultaneously helping us forget those late night texts we sent.
We all know what photos get a ton of likes: sunsets, babies, group shots from girls night out. But Sundays are a little more difficult because you’re trying to weigh and balance being a lazy piece of shit while also trying to feel like a functioning member of society. And what better way to feel like you matter then by tossing up a ‘gram and watching the likes pile up?
Get that filter air fucking tight.
An Instagram is only as good as its filter, so spare none of the details when you’re in your favorite photo editing app. Think your photo needs more saturation? Nah, have some chill on that. We’re not trying take any psychedelics and trip out over these motherfuckers. We’re trying to tap into the calm that everyone wants come 6 o’clock on a Sunday night.
Think under saturation. Think whiter whites. Think soft pigments. At the end of the day, people are going to get their rocks off if you have a dope-ass tranquil aesthetic. Harness that shit.
Be on trend.
Think you’re too cool to follow Instagram trends? Cool. Welcome to Unfollow City, population: you. None of us want to see weak ass photos of people in oversized t-shirts and basketball shorts. We’re trying to further our sartorial-selves by tossing a like-bomb up on a shot of a smoking hot chick wearing a western fedora or some sun-faded jeans that cost $700 á la hard ten bikini model Devin Brugman.
That photo got 21,000 likes, bro. Register that.
Sunday Instagrams are meant to put out luxurious vibes, not make us feel bad for you because you look poor. If you’re choosing cottons over cashmeres and thinking it’ll garner mass likes, think again.
Don’t be too good to Instagram some food.
Yeah, well I got news for you: if I didn’t listen to the stupid rules I’ve imposed on everyone, I wouldn’t be sitting here with a piddly 730 followers. Food wins, guys. It doesn’t take an art critic to tell you that.
You got an acai bowl situation goin’ on? Toss some natural light on that bitch and take a shot from above. At a dank brunch where you get the crabcake eggs benedict? Don’t take a bite of that beauty without getting at least fifteen different angles. You at a pumpkin patch sippin’ on a seasonal brew? Go beer-in-hand and take a photo of that fuckin’ beer. Here, beansaur gets it.
You know what he was doing while you were on your high horse about people that post photos of their beers? Getting all the likes.
Plants, man. Plants.
“Plants?” you ask. Yeah, motherfucker. Plants. I’m talking ferns. Succulents. Palm leaves. The works. Not even sure what a succulent is? Then shut it down. Open the Instagram app, go to your settings, and delete your account. Shut. It. Down.
Greenery wins. And if it’s a plant in front of an exposed brick wall, a blue sky, or a grey-tone wall? Game over. Even someone with an abysmal 200 followers can get about 40 likes on that shit. Don’t believe me? Right now on Instagram, there over 900,000 photos that include the hashtag #succulents. Mind blown, right? Shit’s bananas.
This photo alone got almost 4,000 likes.
Not too cool to have a green thumb now, are we?
Captions over everything.
Get your fifty hashtags out of here. That paragraph you just wrote? Nah, we ain’t about that life. Anything with the word “vibes” in it? Old news.
We need wit. We need charm. We need substance. What we need is what @benbator just brought to the table.
His caption? “All boats are swim-up bars.” Oooh, kill ’em! Dude probably posted that caption and looked like this after he pressed “Share.”
And if you think you’re too cool to follow any of these rules, have fun struggling to even get in the numbers. It’s not meant to be. Nerd. .
Image via Instagram