What’s the longest that you should text a girl you met through an app before actually meeting up with them in person? A few days? A week? Whenever it feels right?
The reason I’m asking is because a few weeks ago, I matched with a girl on Bumble. She was cute, intelligent, and based on her photo of her in a desert with a camel, well traveled. She started the conversation by asking what the weirdest thing I’d ever done was, and I told her that I went to a Krampus party (which is true). We hit it off from there, talking about things all over the board. Travel, writing, music, work, friends, we covered it all. This is the same person who I ghosted on my birthday and asked out for drinks.
So, here’s the thing. She said yes. She wanted to get drinks. I was excited. I’m pretty sure she was too. The only thing was that she wasn’t available to meet up that week. Normally, that’d be fine, I’d just recommend a Saturday brunch date. But she was out of town on Saturday. And then I left on Sunday to go to Phoenix for a whole week. By the time we’re both back in the same city, three weeks will have passed before we even meet up in person.
That seems like way too long to be texting without any physical interaction. At what point do we stop being two people who might have sex because they met on a dating app, and start being pen pals? It sounds childish, sure, but isn’t that kind of the reality of the situation? I mean, we never see each other and only communicate through text. Sure, I could add Snapchat into the mix, but I worry that will throw me off. My standard timeline for these things is we match, she messages me, we get drinks 3-5 days later, and if it goes well, we add each other on social media so that we can pretend we haven’t been internet stalking each other for the past week or so. Going outside of that plan gives me anxiety.
As far as I can tell, I really have three options in this scenario. The first is that I can keep talking to her until I get back from my trip and then see what her week looks like. The problem with that is that’s a lot of commitment to texting, and I’m not sure if I’m ready for that yet. The second option is that I could just call it quits and ghost her. This is a really tempting option, but I’m hesitant because I actually really like talking to her and I kind of want to see where this goes. The third option is that I can slow fade out of this, so that by Sunday, we won’t have talked for only a few days. That way, I can get back on Sunday night and say something like, “Hey, I know it’s been a few days, but do you still want to grab that drink?”
I’m not a pro at dating, but that third option sounds like the best move to me. The slow fade allows me to not seem too needy, but also doesn’t let me disappear from her mind as well. Let’s hope it works out. If not, oh well..