I’ve got a buddy/coworker who’s in the market for a new ride. Naturally, I’ve been offering up my two cents on the matter because 1) I’m a great coworker who wants only the best for those around me, and 2) I’m probably going to be sitting shotty on the way to lunch at least three times a week with him, so I have some skin in the game.
After learning that Lamborghini Diablo, Dodge Viper, and ’97 Chevy Impala were not viable options, it hit me: My man needs a Miata. It makes perfect sense. He’s married and lives in the ‘burbs. That’s right in the Miata wheelhouse as far as I’m concerned. After some extensive research, I stumbled upon the above advertisement for the 1995 M Edition Merlot Mica. Or maybe it stumbled upon me.
Do you know what kind of balls it takes to create an ad like that? The car is just posted up in front of a vineyard, for God’s sake. Where’s the owner? Who knows? If I had to guess, he or she is probably clanking glasses with some old friends nearby, sharing killer stories from the late-eighties. Or, it’s very possible the owner of this little sex machine is also the owner of that vineyard and just pulled over to reflect on all of their accomplishments.
Now, I respect whatever decision my friend makes, but how could anyone go with anything other than this?
First of all, the color of this beast is merlot. I imagine that the kind of dude or lady that would hotrod around town in this whip would 100 percent order a glass of 2005 Lange Twins California to pair with a baked penne dish or a mouth-watering Big Mouth Burger at Chili’s. Heck, they may even order two glasses. You can’t be afraid to indulge a little, even if you are on your lunch break. The paint on this puppy looks like it’s dripping wine, and wine equals swag. Therefore, it looks like it’s dripping swag.
Next, even though my bud is off the market, that shouldn’t stop him from putting out an aggressively sexual vibe. Whichever bad boy takes this piece of machinery around the grocery store lot is guaranteed to make all the mommies stop dead in their tracks. Ay, papi! Chiropractors all around town will forever be indebted to you because they’ll be flooded with neck injuries from all the heads you’ve turned.
And ladies? When the boys down at the farmer’s market see you pull up with the top dropped blaring Hall and Oates, they’ll have to bring in the SWAT team to break up the riot you created. This hot little number is unisexy.
At the end of the day, we all have our preferences. Maybe this little fuck wagon is just too hot for some people and makes no sense for someone who’s trying to start a family. All I know is that sometimes it’s important to get out there and live life. If you don’t, life may pass you by..