If you’re still drinking Diet Coke in 2016, I’m sorry to let you know, but you’re officially behind the times. Gone are the days of artificial sweetener, and taking its place is the new sparkling water giant LaCroix. Beloved by hipsters everywhere, LaCroix is the flavored beverage of choice. While I personally think the grapefruit flavor tastes like a locker room smells, I’m clearly in the minority of my age group.
Take a walk through a hipster neighborhood, and you’ll encounter can upon can of pamplemousse (what does that even mean?), and maybe even a LaCroix-themed cake. However, for one Portland resident, a standard trip to the grocery store for overpriced sparkling water went terribly, terribly wrong.
Instagram user @living_with_the_smiths snapped a photo of a “Missing” sign in Portland – not for a child, not for a pet, but for a case of tangerine LaCroix. The sign reads, “Missing: 12-Pack Tangerine LaCroix. No collar. Not microchipped. Was taken from my car on N. Central St. on the morning of 9/6. May be cold and scared. Skittish toward strangers; can be lured with Juanita’s Chips. His littermate, 12-Pack Pamplemousse LaCroix, misses him dearly as do his owners. Please contact me ASAP with any sightings.”
Ha. Ha. Ok, I see what you did there. Your tangerine LaCroix is as dear to you as a beloved pet, but none of us want to deal with this. In the time it took you to wander the streets of Portland posting up posters for your lost LaCroix, you could have been handing out resumes instead. Just get a job, buy another case of LaCroix, lock your damn car, and move on, man. As Elsa would say, let it go. .