Ah, the personal day. A tradition unlike any other. In middle school, I sat in class believing I had come up with a solution for a level in Zelda, so I went home with a stomachache. In high school, we didn’t have any snow days one year so my only other option was to get creative once a month. College? Well, you can just skip because it’s your loss since you actually have to pay for it. And once I reached the workforce, extending a two-day weekend into a three-day weekend wasn’t a luxury; it was a necessity.
But coming up with the right excuse is a delicate balance. It’s like telling your boss you’re getting a haircut so you can leave early only to come in looking shaggy the next day. Shit doesn’t add up and you end up boning yourself. When you’re trying to come up with a sick excuse, you have to dig deep and figure out what makes sense. Luckily, someone actually wasted their time coming up with the scientifitcally-proven best sick excuses.
AXA PPP Healthcare talked to 1,000 “business leaders” (whatever that means) and the following were the top ten excuses that they were most likely to believe from an employer’s perspective.
2. Back pain
3. Injury by accident
5. Elective surgery
8. Common cold
10. None of the above
If you’re really trying to sell it, one out of every four bosses is likely to believe the flu while only one out of five believe cold, anxiety, and migraines. I’ve gone on record stating that I don’t think migraines exist and people just use them as excuses to get out of things, but I’m no doctor so that’s still up for debate.
Just remember, if you take a couple days off with the flu, make sure to eat less so you lose weight. People will think you puked, but in reality, you just skipped dinner for a couple nights. And stay off social media too. But that’s day one stuff that I shouldn’t have to explain to you. .
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