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Guys And Girls Admit The Simplest Things That Make Them Horny And – Shocker – It’s Everything

Guys And Girls Admit The Simplest Things That Make Them Horny And – Shocker – It's Everything

It doesn’t always take a solid, 42-minute interactive porn video to get me off. Sometimes a girl in a nice sundress who compliments my blogging skills will do just fine.

And, as creepy as that sounds, it is pretty on-par with pretty much every other living being, too. A simple Reddit Research Inquiry (my new term for these kind of posts) has found that pretty much every single thing humans do can get the other sex (or the same one — hey, it’s 2016, man) horny.

Here are a few examples of the simplest things guys and gals get off to, via Reddit:

A kiss on the neck.

Who doesn’t love a nice romantic hickey?

Butts.

Doesn’t really matter what’s covering them. Tight clothing, loose clothing. Nothing.
A girl with a nice butt will always catch my eye and turn me on.

Yes, a nice butt will do just fine.

Seeing the outline of a girls thong through her pants

Can confirm. Very easy way to pitch a tent.

Girls in sundresses.

Summertime will be a very good time for you, my friend.

Women with a pony tail.

What? You must be horny all the time.

Leggings.

I only like Christmas time because of yoga pants.

Please grab my wrists. Grab them and pin me to the bed and I’m ready to go. That’s all you gotta do.

That doesn’t really sound like a ‘simple thing’ — more like a ‘slightly aggressive thing’ but, hey, sounds good to me.

Boobs.

Hell yeah. Boobs rule.

Glasses and dark hair on a girl

You’ve got a type.

Prolonged eye contact. You know how those two guys in Supernatural make eyes like they want to fuck the shit out of each other? That kind of eye contact.

Eye contact. So hot.

Attention. Good, positive attention from a kind, appropriate-in-his-attraction-to-me male. Well, you asked.

BREAKING: Women love attention.

When a girl brushes her hair to the side and you can see her neck. It might be due to the fact that it looks so frail and soft. There’s just something so sensual about it that I can’t help but get turned on.

#ThingsThatVampiresSay

a dude in a white button up shirt with sleeves rolled up. bonus if the forearm veins are poppin

Just a workin’ man.

Men in nice suits. Or being spanked

Or both.

Smelling good.
Hands. I love hands. Especially if they are large, I just want them all over me.

When they are working on something (cars or whatever) and getting all sweaty.

Just some sexy, ginormous hands.

I’m really into hands. Big, rough hands. I see a hand like that holding a book or something and I can’t help imagining it all over my body.

See above.

Everything.

Source: I’m an average guy.

Agreed.

Whispering quietly in my ear.

Girls love a little ear play.

Lady abs make me weak in the knees.

I can’t give that, so I don’t expect it in return.

A girl that knows what she’s doing. Confident, in charge.

Sexy alpha-Ladies in pantsuits.

I have a picture of myself flashing framed in my living room, everytime I look at it, it turns me on. It’s kinda discreet but absolutely anyone who comes in my apartment can see me naked if the look closely. Just thinking about it turns me on

You should get into porn.

A finger running slowly down my back

Sexy and simple. I like it.

When a guy clenches his jaw.

Weird, but OK.

Klay Thompson’s jump shot. So smooth

Shit. You just got me going.

panties dropped halfway down her thighs

This is the best thing.

Freckles. Also no make-up. Combine the two and awww snap

Freckles are so goddamn adorable.

Girls in sweatshirts.

Especially hoodies.

Birds. Allow me to explain.

I masturbate onto birds at a local park.

I’m quite good at it. I take zinc supplements so I shoot massive loads and it’s become something of a sport to me.
For anyone interested here is your best strategy. first, you need to find an isolated spot so you don’t become a sex offender. I found a short kind of channel area where I saw the pigeons would congregate. Next, you arouse yourself. I’m usually content with envisioning a flock of seagulls and that’s enough to fuel the fire but if you’re not as sexually charged as me just take some porn on the go.

After you’re good and horny, you get some bread. My pigeons prefer white bread but healthier birds might have a taste for honey wheat or maybe even multigrain. Fat, unhealthy birds are slower and easier to hit so remember that.
Once you are seated on the bench and ready to do the deed, whip your roosevelt out and scatter bread out within a few feet of you. use your judgement based on how far you know you can cum. I’m a lonely and depraved soul who can hit targets the size of a thimble at distances up to 4 feet. You wait for the pigeons to begin eating and to get comfortable with your presence.

At this point, you want to coo gently and talk sensually to them to gain their trust. Now you’re finally ready to cum on your bird. This is a tough part because the rapid motion of masturbation is very frightening to the birds, so you have to be subtle. Once you master a technique, you simply wind it up and let it go, aiming depending on your past cumming experiences. I always cum high so I aim for the neck of the bird and catch it right in the face.

It’s an extremely satisfying and erotic feeling, seeing those birds reel around covered in cum and maybe even transporting it to other places in the city. Every time I see a flock of birds, my cock starts throbbing and I imagine them landing close to me.

OK. We are done here.

To read more of this thread and its replies, click HERE.

[via Reddit]

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