As every woman I’ve ever gone out with knows, it’s not the size that matters, it’s how you use it, which is usually preceded by them changing into their clothes faster than Superman changes back into Clark Kent and running out the door. However, in this Mexican man’s case, his size is far too big for him to use it for anything, including working.
Roberto Esquivel Cabrera, a 52-year-old man from Saltillo, Mexico, claims that he can no longer work thanks to his massive pecker, which comes in at nearly 19 inches long. He says that his moose-cock, which also measures whopping 10 inch circumference, causes him to also be unable to kneel in prayer, and women are terrified of the gigantic python swinging from between his legs, so he can’t have a normal relationship.
I never thought I’d say this, but thank God I’m hung like a lightswitch. I couldn’t hurt a fly.
Mr. Cabrera, who is blessed and/or cursed with the penis size I used to lie and say I had in middle school, is applying for assistance because his wedding tackle swings down below his knees. His nearly 19 inches (18.9, but who’s counting?) blows current world record-holder Jonah Falcon out of the water; the Brooklyn-native Falcon’s 13.5 inches compared to Mr. Cabrera’s would make him look like, well, me compared to him.
Some medical experts claim that Mr. Cabrera can seek a shaft reduction surgery; however, if men all over the world consider breast reduction surgery a spit in the face of God, getting a dick-reduction might incite global riots.
Fun fact: The smallest human ever recorded, Chandra Bahadur Dangi, comes in at 21.5 inches. That’s only 2.5 inches taller than Mr. Cabrera’s penis. One time I walked into a wall with an erection and broke my nose. Count your blessings, I guess. .
Image via Shutterstock