Like many other twenty-somethings, a good chunk of my childhood was dedicated to religiously watching, talking about, and obsessing over the Disney Channel. Sadly, the days of such innocence are long gone, and it’s safe to assume that the whole operation went to shit after the Jonas brothers abandoned their purity rings and Miley Cyrus developed a debilitating case of schizophrenia.
Somewhere in the graveyard of former Disney stars, among the anorexic burnouts and borderline high-class hookers, a gem has risen from the ashes and blessed the world with arguably the best celebrity twitter account yet.
Cole Sprouse, former actor who played Cody Martin in the early 2000’s show “The Suite Life of Zack & Cody,” has had a pretty low key life ever since he left the Disney Channel. He spent the last four years at NYU studying humanities and archaeology, and adapted to New York life by growing out his hair and repeatedly wearing button up vests that make him look disturbingly similar to a founding father. Whatever. He managed to receive a college education, and that’s more than we can say for the majority of kid actors.
Even though he’s not currently acting, 22-year-old Cole still gets an obscene amount of attention from strangers for being a Sprouse twin. He has dedicated his Instagram to “the people out there who secretly take photos of him,” and manages to take photos of them first. He even went so far as to omit his own name and instead titled the account “camera_duels.” He’s basically out-trolling random fans who attempt to take a snap without him seeing, and the results are incredible.
Not but 30 seconds after arriving on the plane, a quick glance to my right revealed this seafoam sapiens breathing heavily and scrambling for her phone. Little lady must've thought, just because her phone matched her shirt, that I wouldn't detect her desperate photos. Firstly, my vision is based on fear, and I saw you right away. Second, nay. The victim: @tater_tots15 claimed it was a "tie." Her innocent account name perfectly reflects how violently she lost. She posted a picture of our duel, in which my debonair gait and relaxed posture so too reflects how prepared I was for her ludicrous display of #AeronauticArseholery. My Cheshire grin must have scared the other passengers, and I was quickly escorted off the plane for being #TooDamnBomb #cameraduels
80k followers! Wow 80k more people who now try to take secret photos of me on the street! Yay? Did my Instagram backfire? Have I actually stoked the flame rather than douse it? No matte, I'll duel all of you if need be. This kid thought he was reaaaaal slick from 2 feet away. Tip- if you wanna avoid attention, don't lock with my eyes and drop your mouth.- When he took the photo, he let out a call that sounded a lot like a gibbon's mating ritual. Secrecy is what will lead you to victory in a duel, not impassioned primate squealing.
Eating in public is dangerous when my brother and I are together, mostly because duels are a constant occurrence. Have you ever had a photo taken of you while you were #UvulaDeep in a shake shack burger? No? Well it's #Lovecraftian, and it's something you inherently want to keep out of the private albums of kids with wayyyy too much liberty on #WorldWideWeb. This was the setting of our present duel. Female Zack and Cody here were trying to pull the ol' "casual selfie" technique, one that frames their target in the background of an otherwise Michelin portrait of one's many chins. I'll admit I always feel a bit guilt ridden when dueling children–it's a tad dubious to take the life of a child for social currency. #ItWillEventuallyBecomeNormalThough. They shot, I shot first. And while her back is turned, I'm sure the mother's maternal instincts had alerted her to her childrens' demise. #cameraduels #LittleDutchChildren #TheHaircutTranscendsGenerationGaps #pattyportraiture
One of the most impressive techniques I've yet seen. Her gaze is directed towards another direction to make it seem as if she was casually turning the phone right at me. I would have been fooled too, if when she turned the phone around, I didn't catch a glimpse of the camera ready screen. I'm not that paranoid…..am I?
#cameraduels #quiveringrage #familyportrait #tablefullofgibbons If you had any previous doubt whether or not people were ACTUALLY taking my photo, this should solve it. The girl, probably around 9, got out her camera phone and then, encouraged by her entire table, proceeded to fire off shot after shot in my direction. I'll let you guys pull at all the atrocities in the previous sentence. After she had finished, she looked at me vacantly, turned her nose upward so I could see her mucus, and grunted in a phacochoerus fashion. Goog that word if you don't know it.
#cameraduels #playingaDS #persuAsians #pastapocalypse #mommyshome last night I had a dream I lost a camera duel, that's how I knew it was a dream. I'm back from my hiatus away from dueling. I was waterfall training up in the Sierra mountains, perfecting my camera techniques and growing an even more beautiful head of hair. THIS CHICK RIGHT HERE THO, tried to snap one of me eating some noodles. I flipped the table and threw noodles everywhere. Pastapocalypse was brought down upon her. She didn't know that ramen, to me, is like spinach to popeye. No but seriously she looked genuinely upset that she couldn't prepare for her big debut on my Instagram. That's whatcha get.
Kid’s got a great sense of humor. I’m into it..
Image via Youtube