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Five People That Has A Worse Weekend Than You: Hands To The Face

I must admit I’m writing this with a day-two hangover as a result of my corporate holiday party on Saturday night. Too little food because I was too busy socializing + too much booze because open bar = me sitting at my desk with a splitting headache cursing myself for committing to writing a column that’s due on Monday mornings. But I soldier on, because A.) I’m a (semi) professional and B.) there are (an embarrassingly small number of) people that actually tweet me looking for this column to make them feel better after their own crappy weekend. So for all of those people, because I both appreciate and curse your affinity for this lil’ column o’mine, here are the five people that probably had a worse weekend than you.

Jeff Triplette

Being an NFL official is simultaneously the best and worst job in the world. The upside is obvious, but along with having one of the coolest jobs ever, there is the downside of your decisions are constantly questioned and whichever way they go, approximately half the people at the game hate your guts. But this year, if you are NFL ref Jeff Triplette, you’ve managed to piss off people even more than your average official.

Triplette and his crew have had several snafus this season, with the latest coming on Sunday during the second quarter of the Lions/Bears game. With 7:55 left in the quarter, the crew called an illegal hands to the face foul on Lions center Graham Glasgow. The problem? The replay clearly showed the hands of Bears defensive tackle Eddie Goldman going under Glasgow’s face mask and pushing back while Glasgow’s hands never came near Goldman’s face. But while we all saw the error during the TV replay, the play is not reviewable under NFL rules and the ruling stood.

I’m thinking between this screw-up, along with a contentious call on a fumble recovery during the Browns/Redskins game in Week 4, Triplette and his crew probably aren’t going to get a playoff assignment. Get your shit together, guys. [via ESPN]

Kids In Venezuela

Ah, Christmas, the season of giving…and receiving a crapload of toys if you’re a kid. But if you’re a kid in Venezuela this year, Santa may not be making a stop at your house, and you can thank the Venezuelan government.

The country’s consumer protection agency seized a warehouse full of toys late last week, claiming that the toy distributor was planning on selling the over 4 million toys for “inflated prices” during the holiday season. The government claims that the company, Kreisel-Venezuela, has “committed fraud against our country” and they will make the seized toys available for purchase in disadvantaged neighborhoods at lower-than-market prices, although no date for that has been announced. However, the removal of that many toys from the country’s already-depressed economy two weeks before Christmas has many Venezuelans concerned there will not be enough toys on the market for holiday shoppers.

Having an even worse weekend? The Venezuelan parents trying to figure out how to explain to their kids why Santa is going to stiff them this year. [via CNN]

This Dude

There are many days that I curse being a girl. Particularly during a specific five days a month. But as horrible as those five days are, at least I don’t have an extra appendage that can get damaged in any number of ways…such as by a chainsaw, like one 49-year-old man in Romania.

The incident happened while two guys were cutting firewood for the upcoming winter in the country’s Iasi County region. One friend jokingly lunged at the other (if you can lunge at someone with a chainsaw “jokingly”), and accidentally hit his friend in the junk with a running chainsaw.

According to The Daily Mail, “Surgeons operated to save as much of his penis as they could and later described his condition as serious but stable. They said it was too early to say whether the injured man would ever again be able to enjoy a normal sex life.”

Police are currently investigating. The man holding the chainsaw, who has not been named, told the site, “’I was holding the chainsaw and I said: ‘Be careful – I could cut your knees.’ Everything happened in play, it was a joke. I didn’t want to cut him, I was helping him to cut wood and this is what happened. I’m not a criminal. I hope I don’t go to prison.”

Insert requisite joke about cutting the wrong kind of wood here. I know it should be right there, but frankly, I’m too hungover to think of a good one. [via The Daily Mail]

J. Cole

You probably wouldn’t think that a Hampton Inn in Sandy, Utah would have much of an opinion on rap music, right? Well, you’d be wrong.

Whoever runs the hotel’s Twitter account has been dropping its views on music for the last few days, and the target of most of their vitriol is Cole’s new album 4 Your Eyez Only, which dropped on Friday:

Why the hotel decided to target the North Carolina rapper is unclear, but they did decide to start a search for someone better:

I’m not 100% sure that I trust the opinion of a low-budget hotel in Utah to pass judgment on a hip-hop album, but I have to say, I appreciate their game. [via Mashable]

Rex Ryan

As a Patriots fan, there are few people that I hold in lower regard than famed foot fetishist/Buffalo Bills head coach Rex Ryan. Luckily for me, it looks like I won’t have to see dear old Rex on the NFL sidelines for much longer.

CBSSports is reporting that Ryan will likely be fired this week, after the Bills loss to the Steelers on Sunday. The reason? Well, a losing 6-7 record is one; also to blame is a contentious relationship between Ryan and the team’s general manager Doug Whaley. Even if Sunday’s loss doesn’t bring about an immediate coaching change, it’s all but certain that Ryan won’t be back with the Bills next season.

Too bad, so sad. See ya, Rex. [via CBSSports]

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Jenna Crowley

Jenna used to be known as 2NOTBrokeGirls, but then one of the girls actually went broke, so she's struck out on her own. Jenna spends her free time saving the world, one sorority girl at a time (usually while wearing yoga pants), questioning why she decided to get a doctorate, documenting her love of all things cheese related, and hosting the new PGP podcast Don't Take It From Us. You can ask her anything you want about football, using your boobs to get what you want, and pizza at @JennaLCrowley on Twitter or via email at JennaLCrowley@gmail.com.

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