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Five People That Had A Worst Weekend Than You: Banned From Baseball, Basketball And The Ukraine

This is my last weekend home for a while, so I elected to spend it there: literally in my house. I got a lot of mundane things done around the house, filled up my freezer so I have meals ready to grab and go, and spent a lot of quality time with my true BFF – my couch. All in all, not the world’s most exciting weekend, but a good one nonetheless. Or at the very least, it was better than these people’s.

Steven Seagal

Honestly, I’m not sure how Steven Seagal’s weekends usually go, since frankly, I don’t care. But life can’t be going too great when you get yourself banned from an entire nation.

On Friday, it was reported that the Ukraine’s security service had banned the martial artist/action star from the country for five years stating that he was a “security threat.” In a letter posted online, it was stated that such action would be taken when a person had “committed socially dangerous actions … that contradict the interests of maintaining Ukraine’s security.”

So what exactly did Seagal do to make him persona-non-grata in the former Soviet nation? My guess is that it may have to do with the fact the Seagal is a personal friend of Vladimir Putin, who hand-delivered him a Russian passport back in November. If you remember, Russia annexed Crimea (part of the Ukraine) back in 2014; at the time, Seagal declared Putin’s “desire to protect the Russian-speaking people of Crimea, his assets, and the Russian Black Sea military base in Sevastopol” as “very reasonable,” although what isn’t clear is why anyone cared about Seagal’s opinion.

And on top of pondering that…I have another question: is anyone actually trying to go to the Ukraine, anyway? [via New York Daily News]

Matt Harvey

Imagine this: you show up at the ballpark expecting to pitch that night. Instead, you get suspended. Which is what happened to Mets pitcher Matt Harvey on Sunday.

Hours before his expected start on Sunday, Mets GM Sandy Alderson announced that Harvey was suspended without pay for three games “for a violation of team rules.” While Alderson and manager Terry Collins wouldn’t elaborate, it was later reported that Harvey did not show up for Saturday’s game against the Florida Marlins at Citi Field.

For his part, Harvey reportedly said he had a migraine after playing a round of golf earlier in the day and cited a communication issue with the team; he may file a grievance with the team regarding the suspension.

This isn’t Harvey’s first “conduct” incident; back during the 2015 playoffs, he missed a mandatory team workout after being spotted out drinking the night before, but he was not suspended for that incident.

Dude: you make $5,125,000 a year. Literally all you had to do on Saturday was show up – you didn’t even actually have to do any work. From someone that has to drag my ass to the office every day migraine or no migraine and actually do work for about 1/100 of your salary… take your grievance and shove it. [via New York Post]

Pancake Lovers

Another week, another food recall. This time, it’s Aunt Jemima that’s trying to do us in.

Pinnacle Foods issued a voluntary recall on Friday for Aunt Jemima frozen pancakes, waffles and French toast after testing showed traces of listeria at a production facility. In case you’d forgotten from the Blue Bell ice cream debacle from last year, the symptoms of listeriosis include fever, muscle aches, and sometimes nausea or diarrhea. If infection spreads to the nervous system, symptoms such as headache, stiff neck, confusion, loss of balance, or convulsions can occur; in pregnant women, the infection can result in miscarriage, premature delivery, serious infection of the newborn, or even stillbirth, according to WebMD.

Sounds pleasant, doesn’t it? Oh well, pancakes are all carbs anyway. [via CNN]

Kelly Oubre

I’ve got a morning full of meetings on Monday, so I will fully admit that I am writing this column on Sunday evening while watching the Celtics take on the Washington Wizards. Since the game is still in play, I won’t say anything to jinx it, but there’s one person who is definitely not enjoying it – Wizards small forward Kelly Oubre, who was suspended for the game after a scuffle with Boston’s Kelly Olynyk (who graduated from my alma mater, not that I’m biased or anything).

The Wizards blew out the Celtics in Game 3, but Oubre had some frustrations after he was allegedly hit in the head by Olynlk. He told reporters: “I’ve been hit in the head multiple times by the same person. I’ve confronted [Olynyk] about it. The last time it happened, I fell, I felt pain in my head and my jaw, and I got up and I ran to him and I bumped him.” Olynyk was talking to referee Monty McCutchen when Oubre charged him, knocking him to the ground with a forearm to the chest. He was charged with a flagrant 2 and ejected from the game; the league handed down the suspension on Saturday for Sunday’s game. [via ESPN]

Chris Bosh

Speaking of basketball players…or former ones, as the case may be. Another person that probably didn’t have a great weekend was former Miami Heat superstar Chris Bosh, who was sued by a porn company.

Here’s the deal: the people behind X-Art, which according to TMZ “features people hardcore banging each other in classy settings” rented a mega-mansion owned by Bosh and his wife in Pacific Palisades at the end of 2016. They put down $138,000 to cover first month’s rent and the security deposit, but when they arrive, they allege that they found “crazy toxic mold, leaks, plumbing issues, rat droppings” as well as crappy internet access…which I assume is necessary for making online porn.

The lawsuit, which was filed in Los Angeles County Superior Court, says that X-Art tried to get their deposit back, but Bosh and his wife refused. They are suing for the security deposit of $92,000, plus damages.

You know you’re not the best housekeeper when your house is too gross for porn. [via TMZ]

Image via YouTube

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Jenna Crowley

Jenna used to be known as 2NOTBrokeGirls, but then one of the girls actually went broke, so she's struck out on her own. Jenna spends her free time saving the world, one sorority girl at a time (usually while wearing yoga pants), questioning why she decided to get a doctorate, documenting her love of all things cheese related, and hosting the new PGP podcast Don't Take It From Us. You can ask her anything you want about football, using your boobs to get what you want, and pizza at @JennaLCrowley on Twitter or via email at JennaLCrowley@gmail.com.

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