Well, friends, there it was – the last weekend of 2015. Christmas was celebrated, football was played, and way too much was eaten. And while I’m sure there are plenty of people that had a bad weekend – for instance, Indiana football, who lost to Duke in the Pinstripe Bowl in overtime with a controversial missed field goal – but instead of documenting those who spent this weekend in misery, let’s instead reflect on who had an overall crappy 2015.
Men Associated With The Kardashians
Kris, Kim, Khloe, Kourtney, Kendall, and Kylie seemed to have a pretty okay year – if by okay, you mean making billions of dollars. But for the men of the fam, 2015 is a year they are probably fine with saying goodbye to. Let’s break it down:
Lamar Odom: I think we all know this story by now. Poor bastard.
Scott Disick: Disick spent the first half of the year drunk/high and the second half in rehab after being dumped by his baby mama because of the aforementioned substance issues. But probably the worst part of Disick’s year? When his ex started (allegedly) banging Bieber. There’s no words for that level of humiliation.
Rob Kardashian: Actually, I don’t know that Rob had a bad 2015 – because he’s completely disappeared from view. He’s ghosted on all of his social media, which leaves me with many important questions: What does Rob do every day? How is his weight loss coming along? What’s going on with his sock line? Let us know what’s up, Rob.
Kanye West: Kanye actually had the best year out of all of the Kardashian men. He welcomed a new baby with Kim, debuted “Kanye West X Adidas Originals” at New York Fashion Week, won a VMA and declared his candidacy for President in 2020. It’s that last one that is worrisome…but then again, he’s not worse than anyone running in 2016 at this point.
Oh, and Bruce… well, Bruce escaped the curse by becoming Caitlyn. Smart move.
There was something in the air in 2015….something that made dudes sleep with their nannies (I’m looking at you, Ben Affleck and Gavin Rosedale). But even when there was no nanny involved, it seemed as though 2015 was a bad year for a number of celebrity couples. Among the relationships that bit the dust this year:
Tiger Woods and Lindsay Vonn
Surprisingly, it wasn’t due to infidelity.
Halle Berry and Olivier Martinez
I’m telling you, she’s crazy. I just know it.
Blake Shelton and Miranda Lambert
I don’t watch The Voice and I don’t listen to country, but this was apparently a big deal.
Kaley Cuoco and Ryan Sweeting
What do you mean, getting married after three months of dating isn’t a good idea?!
Megan Fox and Brian Austin Green
He’s requesting spousal support. Guess that 90210 money isn’t rolling in anymore.
Kermit The Frog and Miss Piggy
That’s it. Love is dead.
It’s pretty fair to say that 2015 was not kind to Peyton Manning.
Early in the year, Manning’s playoff run was ended by this former team, the Colts, in the divisional round. After much speculation over the summer, Manning announced he would indeed come back for his 18th season – a decision he may be regretting now. Despite the Broncos starting the season 7-0, Manning sucked so bad that people literally didn’t know what the hell was going on.
Peyton Manning final stats vs KC today. 5 completions 4 interceptions Passer Rating: 0.0 pic.twitter.com/QajJiWXuvA
— NFL on ESPN (@ESPNNFL) November 15, 2015
Before the question of “What is wrong with Manning?” could be answered, Peyton tore the plantar fascia in his left foot, which has sidelined him. Brock Osweiler took over and looked far better than Manning did during the start of the season, which led to the question of whether Manning would still be the go-to guy once he was healed.
Then came the cherry on top of this shit sundae: this past weekend, a report released by Al Jazeera linked Manning to doping, alleging that in 2011, Manning received human growth hormone in his wife’s name.
All of this on top of the fact that the majority of America hates him for getting “chicken parm, you taste so good” stuck in our heads for days on end? Not a good year for Peyton.
One Direction Fans
It was a tough year for you 1D lovers.
First came the departure of Zayn Malik, who left the band in March to be a “normal 22-year-old” – albeit it one with millions of dollars (and no student loans).
Malik’s departure was followed by the news in August that Louis Tomlinson knocked up some chick and is set to become a baby daddy in early 2016. He’s not still with the girl, but still, no one needs that kind of baggage.
Then came the biggest blow yet: it was also announced in August that the remaining boys are breaking up – kinda. The boys decided to not tour in support of their upcoming fifth album; instead, they will be taking a break for at least a year to focus on their individual projects. The boys performed for one final time at Wembley Stadium for the X-Factor U.K.‘s finale in mid-December before going on hiatus.
While it’s been a rough year for 1D fans, look at it this way – it will eventually all come full circle. The boys will likely blow through their fortunes on failing restaurants, gambling addictions and paternity suits, so you just have to hold on until the slightly pathetic reunion tour in 2024.
Want your burrito with a side of illness? Then Chipotle was the place for you this year! At least three major illness outbreaks were linked to the chain in 2015:
— A salmonella outbreak affected over 60 people who ate at 22 Chipotle restaurants in Minnesota in August and September
— In November, at least 52 people were sickened in the E-Coli outbreak that hit some of the chain’s locations in nine states, including California, Illinois, Maryland, Minnesota, New York, Ohio, Oregon, Pennsylvania, and Washington
— Over 130 people, mainly students at Boston College (including the majority of the men’s basketball team), came down with the norovirus after eating at the chain’s Cleveland Circle location in Boston in early December
These were followed up by a possible fourth situation that’s still being investigated: on 12/21, the chain issued a press release stating “the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention notified us that they were investigating five cases of E. coli in Kansas, Oklahoma and North Dakota. These individuals ate at the following two Chipotle locations between November 14th and November 23rd: 11805 Shawnee Mission Pkwy. in Shawnee, KS and 765 Asp Ave. in Norman, OK.” As a result of the last announcement of a possible outbreak, the firm’s stock tumbled to a 52-week low.
I think I’ll be sticking to Qdoba, where the guac is free and doesn’t come with a side of the diarrhea. .
Image via YouTube