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Five People That Had A Worse Weekend Than You: SHIA

Five People That Had A Worse Weekend Than You: Ape Escape

Frankly, my friends, my weekend was a 50/50 split. I spent Saturday at a bridal shower for a former coworker turned very close friend where I didn’t know anyone, which, if you have social anxiety like me, is a major nightmare. But you do it for friends, so I hopped in my car, drove two hours, spent three hours being socially awkward with strangers, and then drove two hours home. Although, I rewarded myself on the way home with a quesadilla from Qdoba, so all was not lost. (Don’t worry, I ate half Saturday and half Sunday as to stay on weight-loss track.)

Sunday was spent as the way Sundays should be – one half getting shit done, one half being as lazy as humanly possible. So all in all, my weekend was decent, unlike these folks.

Thomas Giglio

It’s got to be a good wedding if it ends with the groom getting arrested, right?

The groom in question is 39-year-old Thomas Giglio from Long Island, who was arrested early Saturday morning for possession of fireworks without a license, a felony. According to The New York Daily News, Giglio was arrested after he admitted to setting off professional fireworks in the backyard of his Massapequa home during an after-party for his wedding. Neighbors called the cops around 12:15 a.m. and the paper states that they found “49 pyrotechnic mortars, a pyrotechnic display cake [a commercial-grade display that shoots numerous shells into the sky] and numerous firecrackers” at the scene.

Not all of the neighbors were particularly bothered by the display, with one saying “It’s a shame that he gets arrested on his wedding day. They’re very nice people and I’m sure they went through a lot of expense to have a nice fireworks display and a nice party to celebrate their wedding and it’s just a shame.”

Hopefully Giglio and his bride, Ela, did not plan to head out on their honeymoon this week, since the groom is due back in court on Tuesday. [Via New York Daily News]

Zookeepers at The Greenville, SC Zoo

There are many films that assert that apes are smarter than us humans. Whether you believe that or not, here’s a fact: one orangutan at the at Greenville Zoo in South Carolina is smarter than his zookeepers.

On Sunday, Kumar climbed to the top of his enclosure, snapped a wire holding together the netting, and pulled the net back far enough so he could get out. And of course, someone captured it on video.

According to Mashable, the whole incident was over in about 30 minutes; Kumar’s escape was reported quickly and he never made it into a public area before the slightly-less-intelligent-than him zookeepers corralled him back into his enclosure. Didn’t they know that Kumar just wanted to go to White Castle? [Via Mashable]

Andre Roberson

As a former waitress and bartender, I firmly believe that people who leave crappy tips are a special kind of asshole. As a person who writes about such things for the internet, I firmly believe that famous people should have learned by now that if they leave a crappy tip, they will be publicly shamed.

The latest “star” who apparently hasn’t learned that lesson yet is NBA star Andre Roberson, who reportedly left a $14.00 tip on a $487.00 bill at an Austin, TX bar on Thursday…a few hours after signing a new $30 million deal with the Thunder. The bartender posted an image of the receipt on Thursday…and then Roberson clapped back on Instagram and Twitter:

Roberson then tried to deflect by tweeting at fellow Thunder players Enes Kanter and Steven Adams, who were not having it.

Also….did anyone notice that Roberson also added wrong on the receipt? Making University of Colorado Boulder proud right there. [Via Daily Mail]

Joel Embiid

It isn’t even NBA season, and yet two NBA stars are on this week’s list, and both are over $$$. This time, it’s Philadelphia 76ers center Joel Embiid, who was fined $10,000 by the NBA on Saturday for “inappropriate language” on Instagram.

Apparently, the fine comes as part of a social media beef between Embiid and LaVar Ball, the father of newly drafted Laker Lonzo Ball, which started on Draft Day. Embiid is as tired of hearing about the Balls as the rest of us and said “Fuck LaVar Ball,” during an Instagram Live video he posted Tuesday. Complex Mag managed to catch that part of the video:

Embiid seemed to take the $10,000 in stride, tweeting:

Of course, when your contract is worth $19 million over 4 years, ten grand isn’t that big of a deal, right? [Via Bleacher Reporter]

Shia LaBeouf

I’m starting to think that I should just including a standing “Shia LaBeouf Got Arrested” section of this column. Because here we go again.

The artist formerly known as Louis Stevens was arrested yet again over the weekend, this time in Georgia. According to TMZ, “Cops say early Saturday morning, Shia approached someone for a cigarette. When the person said no, they say he started swearing in front of women and kids. He was told to leave but refused and became aggressive toward an officer. When the cop tried to arrest Shia, the actor ran to a nearby hotel. He was arrested in the lobby and continued being unruly.”

LaBeouf was taken into custody around 4 a.m. and charged with disorderly conduct, obstruction and public drunkenness. He was released at 11 a.m. on a $3,500 bond.

I have one question here…why were there kids up and outside with someone smoking at 4 a.m.? [Via TMZ]

Monday Morning Boost

It means no worries for the rest of your days.

Image via PAN Photo Agency / Shutterstock.com

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Jenna Crowley

Jenna used to be known as 2NOTBrokeGirls, but then one of the girls actually went broke, so she's struck out on her own. Jenna spends her free time saving the world, one sorority girl at a time (usually while wearing yoga pants), questioning why she decided to get a doctorate, documenting her love of all things cheese related, and hosting the new PGP podcast Don't Take It From Us. You can ask her anything you want about football, using your boobs to get what you want, and pizza at @JennaLCrowley on Twitter or via email at JennaLCrowley@gmail.com.

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