Five People That Had A Worse Weekend Than You: Horses And Jokes

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Five People That Had A Worse Weekend Than You: Horses And Jokes

Ugh, a Monday back and at work after vacation takes me to Garfield-levels of scaries.

So let’s skip the small talk and just get right to it, ok? (Which, coincidentally, is my go-to bar pick-up line.)

Hunter Osborn

High school pranks are harmless, right? Obviously…up until you get charged with a felony.

Hunter Osborn, a student at Red Mountain High School in Arizona, decided it would be a good idea to expose her private parts in the varsity football team’s yearbook photo…which was then published in the yearbook without anyone noticing.

After around 3,400 students got the yearbook, officials finally did notice Hunter’s unique photo bomb. That’s when it went badly for Osborn; he was charged with 69 (seriously, not making that up) counts of indecent exposure, one for each person that was in the photo with him. He was also charged with one count of “furnishing harmful items to minors,” which is a felony. Luckily for Osborn, the charges were later dropped.

According to Mashable, school officials said that they did not notice Osborn had dropped trou because “the small size of the photograph as published makes the details difficult to discern.” Ouch. While the charges may have been dropped, having your school essentially call your junk so unimpressive it can’t be made out in a pic can’t be good for his future with the ladies. Osborn probably should have just kept his pants on. [via Mashable]

Boris Diaw

Speaking of public embarrassment, how would you feel if your boss made you work more because he thinks your fat?

San Antonio Spurs player Boris Diaw is profiled in this week’s issue of the Sports Illustrated, and he told the interviewer that coach Gregg Popovich sometimes intentionally leaves him in the game so he can work off some extra poundage.

“Sometimes we’re up 30,” Diaw told SI, “and he’s like, ‘I’m just going to leave you on the court so you can lose some weight.’”

The Spurs did beat the Thunder on Friday, so Diaw’s weekend didn’t start out so bad. But hopefully, he didn’t eat his feelings after Sunday’s night’s loss. [via]

Aniya Wolf

With all of the things that are going on in the world today, you would think that schools would have bigger things to worry about than what someone wore to prom – particularly if all of their parts were appropriately covered. But apparently, that’s not the case in Pennsylvania.

Aniya Wolf, a student at Bishop McDevitt High School who is also a lesbian who prefers boys’ clothes, wore a tuxedo to Friday night’s event, a violation of the school’s prom dress code. In a statement, the school stated that “The dress code for the prom specified girls must wear formal dresses.” So while girls who were dressed in revealing dresses were allowed to attend prom, “the principal grabbed her [Aniya] arm and threatened to call the police if she didn’t leave,” according to the New York Daily News.

Seriously? Not to get all somber here, but there are kids with serious drug problems and mental health issues and school officials want to make a big deal if someone wants to wear pants instead of a dress to the prom? So yeah, Aniya probably had a bad weekend – not getting to go to prom because of some small minded assholes sucks – but honestly, I hope that the publicity she’s getting made the weekends of those school officials even worse. [via New York Daily News]

James Shields

Bartolo Colon, the stout pitcher for the New York Mets, had a great night on Saturday night, when he hit the first home run of his career just a few weeks shy of his 43rd birthday. That’s the oldest first home run ever. Colon then took a slow trot around the bases while Padres pitcher James Shields watched the 285-pounder lumber around the diamond.

Shields uttered “next question” when asked about Colon’s homer on Saturday night, but he seemed to be in better spirits about it on Sunday. “Absolutely not,” Shields said, according to the San Diego Union Tribune. “I think if I hit a home run, for my first home run, I’d be trotting pretty slow myself. I’m not a very fast guy, either. Like I said, I’m happy for him and his career. I’ve always respected Bartolo. I definitely didn’t think it was going to happen to me, but it’s all good.”

Despite Shields’ (eventual) good attitude, it didn’t stop this from happening:

Seriously, that’s never going to get old. [via San Diego Tribune]

Anyone That Followed My Kentucky Derby Betting Advice…Including Me.

While you can’t say I don’t put my money where my mouth is…

…my bet of My Man Sam, Trojan Nation, and Nyquist to go 1-2-3 was woefully wrong. So I’m sorry if you dropped any cash listening to me. I’d offer to pay you back, but given that I also lost, I’m going to have to take a hard pass on that. Sorry.

Image via jessicakirsh /

There really did used to be 2NOTBrokeGirls, but since one of them spent all of her money on shoes and vodka, there's now just one (financially stable) J, who is too lazy to change her user name. J spends her free time saving the world, one sorority girl at a time (usually while wearing yoga pants), questioning why she decided to go to graduate school, and documenting her love of all things cheese related. You can ask her anything you want about football, using your boobs to get what you want, and pizza at @2NOTBrokeGirls on Twitter or

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