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Five People That Had A Worse Weekend Than You: Goldberg

Five People That Had A Worse Weekend Than You: Goldberg

First, I must apologize if that column seems a bit disjointed this week. I’m writing it during my multi-leg journey home from Mexico on Sunday, and I tend to lose my writing rhythm when I have to stop and start. But given that I won’t be home until after midnight tonight, there’s no way in hell I was going to be writing this on Monday morning, so take what you can get, people.

My weekend was, of course, spent in Mexico, so no complaints. I had a great time even though I didn’t partake in the drinking. I also ate pretty clean, so I’m hoping that the scale will reflect my good behavior this week, making the trip a win-win. But even if it doesn’t, I still had a better weekend than these people.

Shaun Weiss

Oh, how the mighty have fallen. The Mighty Ducks, that is. While some of the cast of the beloved film have gone onto relatively successful acting careers (I’m looking at you, Joshua Jackson), others have not done so well.

Weiss, who played goalie Goldberg, was arrested after stealing $151.00 worth of merchandise from a Fry’s Electronics in California. Given that this was Weiss’ second arrest for petty theft, the judge handed down a pretty stiff sentence: 150 days in L.A. County jail.

Not to mix sports metaphors, but maybe some time in the real-life penalty box will keep Weiss from taking strike number three. [via TMZ]

The Cleveland Browns, The San Francisco 49ers, and The New York Jets

Given that football season has pretty much begun with the start of training camp last week, it seems totally reasonable that NFL odds-makers in Vegas are already making their season predictions. Of course, my beloved Patriots are on top, with the folks at Bovada predicting 12.5 wins this season. Following close behind are the Green Bay Packers, the Oakland Raiders, the Pittsburgh Steelers and the Seattle Seahawks as the only other teams Bovada thinks will have win totals in the double digits.

So, who’s at the bottom of the statistical heap? Well, pretty much who you would figure: The Cleveland Browns, The San Francisco 49ers, and The New York Jets, each with a win total listed at 4.5.

If you need me, I’ll be taunting my one misguided friend that’s a Jets’ fan. She’s probably suffered enough over the years, but as a Patriots’ fan, it’s pretty much my DNA to be as annoying as possible about these things. [via Oddsshark]

The Emoji Movie

There are plenty of ill-conceived movie ideas in Hollywood. So when someone said, “Hey, you know what would be great? A movie about emojis!”, no one was responded, “That’s a shitty idea.” (Insert poop emoji here.)

The idea was so bad, in fact, The Emoji Movie which debuted this weekend only narrowly avoided a dreaded 0% score on Rotten Tomatoes, escaping with a 8% rating. But all was not lost for the movie, which cost $50 million to make and features the voices of James Cordon, Christina Aguilera, Sofia Vergara, Patrick Stewart, Anna Faris, T.J. Miller and Maya Rudolph. Despite the absolute crap reviews (insert another poop emoji here), the film managed to take second place in the box office this weekend behind Dunkirk, taking in $25.7 million.

So I wonder which emoji the producers would use to sum up this movie? [via Variety]

Rachel Lindsay

Rachel is likely relatively happy right now: we are heading into the end of her season of The Bachelorette and she’s made it pretty clear that she’s engaged. But this weekend, things went a little awry as she missed her own bachelorette party.

Rachel and some of her fellow contestants from Nick’s season of The Bachelor were supposed to meet up at the Hard Rock Hotel in Punta Cana in the Dominican Republic. But while Raven Gates, Astrid Loch, Danielle Lombard, Jasmine Goode, Sarah Vendal and dolphin girl Alexis Winters made it to the island paradise, the Bachelorette herself missed her flight and didn’t make it to her own celebration. Now, I’m not sure if they meant to, but Rachel’s friends definitely rubbed in how much fun they were having without her on Instagram:

Now this is Paradise 🌴☀️#thisishardrockpc

A post shared by • Astrid Loch • (@astridloch) on

Sitting pretty in Paradise #hardrockpuntacana

A post shared by ravennicolegates (@ravennicolegates) on

Javier is the man for capturing the moment…We loves Punta Cana!!! #mamajunas #thisishardrockpc

A post shared by Sarah Vendal (@sarahvendal) on

Also of note: this US Weekly column notes that Rachel “plans on having an engagement party in Miami.” I’m thinking that’s a hint as to who might be our winner, my friends. [via US Magazine]

This Hamster

This hamster’s weekend looks like it was pretty crappy after his friend tossed him aside like a dirty towel, but I bet that we can all sympathize with him this Monday morning.

[via New York Post]

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Jenna Crowley

Jenna used to be known as 2NOTBrokeGirls, but then one of the girls actually went broke, so she's struck out on her own. Jenna spends her free time saving the world, one sorority girl at a time (usually while wearing yoga pants), questioning why she decided to get a doctorate, documenting her love of all things cheese related, and hosting the new PGP podcast Don't Take It From Us. You can ask her anything you want about football, using your boobs to get what you want, and pizza at @JennaLCrowley on Twitter or via email at JennaLCrowley@gmail.com.

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