Happy New Year, you degenerates! I hope your 2016 is all about “a new year, new you” and all of that other trite bullshit we post on social media so that we actually look like we give a crap about improving ourselves in the coming year.
Today marks the first Monday of the New Year, and many of us were lucky enough to be off since before Christmas. Therefore, we likely spent yesterday with a hardcore case of the Sunday Scaries. I personally have been in my pajamas since Saturday and was not happy to have to put on actual pants this morning. But at the very least, our weekend wasn’t as bad as these people’s.
The Oregon Ducks and Their Fans
As previously stated, I’m a de-facto Oregon Duck fan. So I shared in the heartbreak of Oregon fans during Saturday’s Alamo Bowl.
All was going along quackingly in the first half, when the Ducks went into the locker room with a 31-0 lead over the TCU Horned Frogs. Then in the second half, TCU coach Gary Patterson changed into a purple shirt and the whole thing went to crap for the Ducks.
— SB Nation (@SBNation) January 3, 2016
Oregon center Matt Hegarty and quarterback Vernon Adams Jr. both left the game with injuries, and TCU staged the single greatest comeback in bowl game history, tying the score at 31 in the last minute of the fourth quarter, and then winning 47-41 in triple overtime.
The worst part? Given that the game was in San Antonio, the poor Ducks fans had to suffer their devastation surrounded by Frog fans.
Talk about adding insult to injury. [via The Bleacher Report]
As a Patriots fan, I naturally hate the Giants. I despise Eli Manning and his punchable face. I think OBJ is a moron. But I’ve always had a soft spot for Tom Coughlin. Maybe it’s because he reminds me of my grandpa, or maybe it’s because I’ve watched “Tom Coughlin: A Football Life” like 87 times. But whether you like him or not, you had to feel bad for the guy on Sunday, when what is likely to be his last game as head coach of the Giants (or any team) ended in a loss.
It was reported on Sunday morning by FOX’s Jay Glazer that Coughlin will resign – not be fired by Giants – on Monday, and that he invited his family to what would be his final game on Sunday. Glazer said, “They’re not going to fire Tom. He’s going to walk away. They’re going to ask to him to just kind of ride off into the sunset there.”
Coughlin, who was 102-89 in the regular season, 8-3 in the playoffs and won two Super Bowls with the Giants in 2007 and 2011, was likely hoping that his last game would be a win. Unfortunately, it was not to be, as the Giants lost to the Eagles 35-30. It didn’t seem to matter to the home crowd though, as they saluted Coughlin as he entered the tunnel to a standing ovation.
Tom Coughlin … pic.twitter.com/Mw76pkGVdt
— Ralph Vacchiano (@RVacchianoNYDN) January 3, 2016
Happy Trails, Grandpa Tom. [via FoxSports]
I’m going a little bit football heavy in this column this week, but that’s because A.) between bowl games and the end of the NFL regular season, it was a big weekend for the game and B.) the only other thing I did this weekend was watch Law and Order: SVU for 9 hours straight, so I don’t have much else to talk about. Deal with it.
Anyway, Carpenter’s been having a pretty rough season as the kicker for the Buffalo Bills, with the new 30-yard extra point proving to be a challenge for the 8th year player. After missing his 5th extra point of the year on Sunday against the Jets, Carpenter expressed his frustration by slamming his helmet to the grown, and what happened next is probably a good example of how Carpenter’s year is going.
As the New York Daily News said, “Maybe if Carpenter were as accurate with his kicks as he is with his helmet, this whole thing might have never happened.” Poor bastard. [via New York Daily News]
If anyone should be adopting the “new year, new you” mantra, it should be Chris Brown. But apparently, he started 2016 doing something he’s done in years past: allegedly hitting a woman.
Las Vegas police have confirmed they are investigating Brown for battery and theft after he allegedly punched Brazilian model Liziane Gutierrez in the face for taking a picture of him with her cell phone. It all went down early Saturday morning at the Palms hotel when Gutierrez snuck her phone into a party and snapped a pic of Brown. After he noticed her taking the picture, he allegedly “yelled and punched her once in the face and took her phone,” leaving Gutierrez with a black eye.
Brown didn’t do himself any favors in the situation when he posted a since-deleted video to Instagram, saying “I don’t know this old looking b****. This b**** is old, like dusty, look at her in the Jason Derulo video” and “Like she came to Vegas, she probably came to my room and was too ugly to get in.”
Dude, you have a DAUGHTER. Learn how to treat women, you piece of crap. [via The Daily Mail]
Fans of Game of Thrones
I feel like admitting I don’t watch Game of Thrones is similar to confessing that I like to kick kittens or hate ice cream – traits of a psychopath. But I refuse to be afraid anymore; I don’t watch Game of Thrones, and I’m still a good person.
For those of you that do watch the series, a bit of bad news came out over the weekend. The author of the series, George R. R. Martin, said that the sixth book in the series the show is based on The Winds of Winter is still not complete, despite being due at the end of the year.
Attributing the delay to travel, family and other issues, Martin wrote on his blog that the book won’t be done for months yet, saying: “The Winds of Winter is not finished. Believe me, it gave me no pleasure to type those words. You’re disappointed, and you’re not alone. My editors and publishers are disappointed, HBO is disappointed, my agents and foreign publishers and translators are disappointed… but no one could possibly be more disappointed than me. For months now I have wanted nothing so much as to be able to say, ‘I have completed and delivered The Winds of Winter on or before the last day of 2015.’ But the book’s not done.”
The show is scheduled to come back in mid-2016; no word on whether the delay of the book will affect the TV series in any way. Although, if the book delay means a break from my friends’ annoying GoT tweets, I’m ok with that. [via USWeekly] .