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Expectation vs. Reality: Your First Apartment

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The View
Expectation: Gorgeous views of the city skyline from a spacious balcony.
Reality: A view of the Chili’s across the street and your neighbor’s dogs doing it.

Parking
Expectation: Reserved, covered parking spot.
Reality: Parking tickets.

Decor
Expectation: Oak floorboards, fresh paint and a skylight.
Reality: Linoleum tile, cracked paint and carpet that’s older than you are.

Location
Expectation: Right in the heart of the city. Where the action is.
Reality: A $15 cab ride from anywhere.

Your Roommate
Expectation: Just a really cool person who lets you do you, pays rent on time and is potentially your future best friend.
Reality: A psycho who doesn’t clean up after themselves and is constantly fighting with their significant other.

Local Fare
Expectation: Awesome local pubs and restaurants with awesome taco trucks.
Reality: First name basis with the night manager at Wendy’s.

Bar Scene
Expectation: Pretty much like New York City.
Reality: A 10-block walk to the nearest “bar,” which is a TGI Friday’s.

Neighborhood
Expectation: Dog parks, plenty of trails, and young professionals.
Reality: The apartment complex next door has a 10-foot tall fence around it, so you wouldn’t know.

Amenities
Expectation: Pool, state-of-the-art gym, conference room, billiards room, washer/dryer in unit, complimentary massages every Sunday.
Reality: A broke-ass basketball hoop.

Landlord
Expectation: Really cool young person who lives on the property and always has a handyman on call 24-hours a day and tech support standing by for any Wi-Fi issues.
Reality: They left the country for two weeks without telling you.

Furniture
Expectation: Plush leather sectional couch, nice coffee table and your very own La-Z-Boy.
Reality: Busted Craigslist couch and an unassembled IKEA end table.

Neighbors
Expectation: A couple of single hard bodies.
Reality: A 45-year-old divorcee who wants to have a devil’s threesome with you and your roommate.

Rent
Expectation: Can’t believe how cheap I got this place!
Reality: This is horseshit.

Friends
Expectation: pp32769-friends-milkshake-poster

Reality:
im_so_ronery04

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Brian McGannon

What do I love? I love happy hour, a good golf tan, and getting moderately drunk during dinner.

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