April 30, 2004: it was a milestone day for each and every living, breathing individual, whether he or she recognized it in the moment or not. On this day, 10 years ago, a priceless gift was bestowed upon our society in the form of a 97-minute feature-length motion picture, complete with timeless quotes, universal characters, and masterful insight.
It was the worldwide premiere of “Mean Girls.”
At 27 years of age, I still delight in finding ways to weave “Mean Girls” quotes into my daily existence. Any cadence I hear that is even remotely reminiscent of a “Mean Girls” quote, I quickly interject a, “She doesn’t even go here!” or “Stop trying to make ‘fetch’ happen,” or “Say ‘crack’ again.”
Here are some ideas on how to celebrate this momentous occasion Wednesday evening.
- Start the party by making the Cady of your group eat alone in your bathroom. Halfway through the night, allow her to sit with you.
- Whoever your group of friends dislikes the most, find her mom’s number and prank call her about a possible Planned Parenthood situation.
- On the invite, warn everyone against wearing hoop earrings because they’re your thing.
- Along with other party favors, be sure you have awesome shooters on hand for all your awesome friends to take and soak up each other’s awesomeness.
- As the host, find a pink velour tracksuit and greet the girls with hard nipples and a tray of drinks, claiming, “Happy hour’s from 4 to 6!”
- Let a friend borrow a pink shirt of yours before the party so you can hysterically scream, “I WANT MY PINK SHIRT BACK!” at her.
- Employ your heaviest-set gay male friend to burst into your house, dressed as Santa Claus, announcing candygram handouts.
- Ensure each of your party members successfully executes one of the following costumes:
-A miniskirt and tank top, with the nipple holes cut out
-Army pants and flip-flops
-An extremely oversized pink polo
-A skimpy black dress with mouse ears
-A backwards rhinestone letter stuck to her upper chest
- Slutty Santa outfits
- Print out this Kalteen bar label and wrap it around your choice of chocolate bar. (I suggest Milky Ways, but that’s just me.)
- Buy a plastic tiara and see if you can actually break it into as many pieces as Cady did to make everyone feel like a princess–even Emma Gerber.
- Pretend to have a “Mean Girls” party, but instead reveal it’s an intervention of sorts for the mean girl happenings that have been going on in your group. Then, quickly dump all your friends, because if mean girl happenings are still occurring at this age, your friends suck.
- Insist someone memorizes the Kevin G rap and perform it for you.
- Have each of your friends stand up and say something they’re sorry for, then free-fall into the your arms. Purposely let one of your friends actually fall, though.
And, if you really want to impress, make your own Burn Book like I did. Paying homage to the best movie of all time this way is the least you can do, you grotsky little byotch.