Over the past seven years, Aubrey Drake Graham went from teen actor to wannabe rapper to respected rapper to one of the hottest rappers on the planet. It’s hard to describe his music precisely, but everyone knows the distinct sound he has in all of his songs. Little did everyone know, his albums perfectly describe everyone’s love life and the path every relationship takes. Is what you’re about to read necessary? No. Am I only writing this because I’m listening to Drake right now? That’s not the question at hand here. Am I kinda drunk while writing this as well? Again, that’s not the question at hand. So without further ado, here is your love life in music form.
Room For Improvement and Comeback Season aka “Putting In Work”
This girl has no idea who you are. She may have heard about you from someone else or matched with you on a dating app, but for the most part you both are going into this blind. Just like these albums, some people may have heard of Drake from Degrassi but no one really gave a shit about him. There isn’t anything substantial on these albums, just like you trying to hit on that girl at the bar. She’s out of your league and you both know this. The relationship with this girl may seem like it’s going nowhere but there is some promise (“Replacement Girl” – Comeback Season), which makes you think you might actually get something out of this.
So Far Gone aka “You Somehow Pulled It Off”
Congrats! You did it. That girl you had no business being with somehow said yes to you and you are now in a “Successful” relationship. She is the “Best You Ever Had.” Every time you guys fuck you tell yourself “I’m Goin’ In.” I would fit “Houstatlantavegas” in here somewhere but I’m a shitty writer, sorry. This is the honeymoon period so everything this girl does is the funniest or greatest thing ever. This is definitely going to last forever. You don’t want to get your hopes up, but you have a good feeling about this that gets you excited.
Thank Me Later aka “The Relationship”
Looking back, you forget how good of a relationship you had with this girl. Sure there were some low points (“Shut It Down” and “Show Me a Good Time”) but there were so many highs (“Fancy,” “Up All Night,” “Over,” “The Resistance,” “Find Your Love”) that you only look back and think fondly of the times you had. The girl you’re dating is great but not perfect and the relationship is long and healthy but deep down you know it could be better than it is. Even though you’re in denial and you feel that nothing can tear you apart, deep down you know something is wrong. You know that the inevitable is going to happen.
Take Care aka “The Breakup”
It doesn’t matter why it happened. One of you could’ve cheated. It may have been just a classic case of “right person, wrong time.” Or you could have just been a drunken idiot. Whatever the case may be, it’s over. Finished. Done.
You break it off cleanly and you actually feel pretty good about everything for a short amount of time (“Over My Dead Body”) but the emotions kick in and you feel like shit. Depression sets in and you hate yourself and blame every bad thing that happened in the relationship, including the breakup, on you (“Shot For Me,” “Marvin’s Room,” “Doing It Wrong”). “You fucking idiot,” you might say to yourself. But hey, we all go through this, right? Every now and then you get some of your swagger back (“We’ll Be Fine,” “HYFR,” “Headlines”) and you convince yourself that you’re over it. But you’re not, as you will quickly realize either by the end of the night or the next morning. You might drunk text your ex saying shit like “I know you still think about the times we had” or “talk to me, please, don’t have much to believe in.” You two might end up together at some point, maybe at a party or something. She might say she loves you, and then you’ll lie and say you love her too. Or you’re a bitch and the roles in that last sentence are reversed.
Nothing Was the Same aka “A Few Months to A Year Later”
You went through the five stages of grieving for this breakup. You finally saw the light at the end of the tunnel. There are still some feelings for this girl deep down (“Furthest Thing,” “From Time,” “Hold On We’re Going Home”) but for the most part, you’re over it. You may see your ex at the bar or a party, and you might reminisce about the times you had. You’re both somewhat cold to each other. You ask yourself how you actually dated her. You don’t hate her by any means but the love isn’t there either.
Despite this fact, your social life is soaring. You go out to the bars with your friends and tear it up (“Tuscan Leather,” “Started From the Bottom”). It feels like the first time you had fun without your ex, but no, you’re just relearning how to ride a bike. You were so far gone, deep in the abyss that you forgot how to rage with your boys. Everything feels like the first time, which makes it feel even better than it is.
If You’re Reading This, It’s Too Late aka “The Drought”
Maybe your ex is the last person you had sex with. Maybe you had a rebound at some point while you were recovering from the breakup. Whatever the case may be, you find yourself in a dry spell. It’s been so long that you don’t even remember the last time you had sex. You still step up to the plate with your friends (“Know Yourself,” “6 P.M. In NY,” “Energy”) but you just seem to strike out at every at bat. Or you’ll hit a single if your lucky. You’re in a classic cold streak. It feels like an eternity. It’s been so long that it may as well be true. You’re having fun every time you go out, but you’re angry at the same time. You just want to feel the touch of a woman again.
Views aka “The New Relationship That You Don’t Really Want To Be In”
You did it. You’re back in the saddle. It’s been awhile but you finally have a girl that you can be with on a consistent basis. Sure, the last relationship you had was more fulfilling, and that girl is probably closer to wife material than this one. And yeah, you are only dating this girl so you can get some action (doesn’t matter, had sex). Nothing about this girl makes you say “she is amazing. The best girl I have ever seen or been with.” But there is comfort with her. The relationship isn’t bad but it isn’t that great either. There are times when you see the potential this girl has (“Controlla,” “Grammys,” “Child’s Play”) and how if you both put in the effort this relationship could probably be the best you have ever had. But that’s sadly not the case, and you’re stuck here guessing when this will end so you can finally move on to the next one, which will definitely be “The One.”
Or you can just stay single and get drunk in your parents’ basement. Your choice. .
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