Every time I turn around, I’m getting Facebook messages saying, “Hey, what’s your mailing address? Sending save the dates,” or opening my mailbox to yet another wedding or bachelorette party invite. I’ll be the first to admit I love attending weddings. It’s full-on WeddingSZN right now and I am so down. Bachelorette parties, in particular, really get me amped up and I couldn’t be more excited to engage in the debauchery.
Historically, bachelorette parties are all chicks. Bachelor parties are all dicks. This setup has stood the test of time, and it seems to be working. I’d also like to point out that I’ve never gotten the “joint bach party” thing. The point of these parties is to go out and act like human trash with your pals one last time before you get locked down for life.
Have you ever considered what it would be like to invite your closest friends that are members of the opposite sex to your bachelor or bachelorette party? Well, according to Variety, the latest bachelor party comedy titled Who Invited Her? seeks to do just that.
Led by none other than lady-bro extraordinaire, Amy Schumer, Who Invited Her will tell a story involving a woman who demands to being included in her best guy friend’s bachelor party weekend. Now, I would never demand to be included in such an event, but I gotta admit, if any of my guy friends called me up and said, “Stovall, bach party next weekend, you down?” I would literally drop everything to attend. I have been known to crash a fraternity Christmas date party of an ex-boyfriend just because I was close friends with the rest of the guys. When prompted with, “Hey, who’s your date?” I replied, “Everybody.” No chill.
I like to think I’m a decent wing-woman, and I definitely have never been called the “mom” of a group. If somebody is trying to ditch the party early, or turning down lemon drop shots, I’m probably going to verbally assault them. I bet I could handle a bachelor party, but there’s an estimated 99% chance that my dream will never come true.
If I’m playing Amy Schumer’s part in this adventure, here’s what I would expect to see: first of all, every guy invited to the party is going to be super salty that I am coming along for the ride. Because of this, I will have to become a huge try-hard and go balls to the wall trying to fit in with the boys. There will obviously be trashy strippers, boobs, a lot of money lost at the casino, and someone will most likely be hospitalized.
Guaranteed, there will be plenty of cocaine use, among other illicit drugs. I will inevitably get myself into some kind of trouble, possibly witness some adultery, fall in love/sleep with one of the party attendees, and everyone will be scrambling to make sure that the wedding actually happens. In the end, everything turns out fine, the wedding goes off without a hitch, and all the guys attending the bachelor party decide they actually do like me and think I’m fun. The end. What an intriguing story.
I think this is a wholly stupid idea. I’m not going to be inviting any dudes to my future bachelorette party. There’s too much I don’t want them to witness. Regardless of that fact, if any of you guys out there want to mix it up and send me an invite to your bach parties, I’ll bring the Veuve and be sure to wear my party pants. I mean, it’s 2016, after all. I promise I won’t even tell your fiancé about the $200 private dances you insisted on buying. .
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