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Over the past few years, emoticons have become all the rage. You see them everywhere: in texts, in tweets, on actual faces. Seems like people only want to communicate with emoticons. Maybe it’s because of our society reading less and getting dumber every year, slowly reverting back into cavemen and drawing emoticons on the walls of our caves, or maybe it’s just because we miss AOL Instant Messenger and never want to let go of that part of our childhood. Regardless (and unfortunately), emoticons are here to stay.
However, most of us don’t even know what some of our favorite emoticons even mean, or what their backstories are. Well, you’re in luck. Here are some descriptions and backstories of our favorite emoticons. 😉
This is Jake. Jake totally has veneers.
“Hey guys. I think I may be coming down with something. This rash is growing.”
“Okay, seriously, you guys. It’s starting to make my cheeks swell.”
“You remember that rash I got the other day? Well, it turned out to be a severe case of pink eye.”
This is that weird guy you dated in high school who would always kiss you with his eyes wide open.
Just can’t even right now.
Just can even right now.
Poor guy. Just got pelted in the face by TWO boomerangs at the same time. What are the odds?
Currently in the midst of blowing a huge snot-rocket.
This is a member of the Blue Man Group’s reaction to his makeup washing off, mid-show.
James Franco in “127 Hours” enjoying that last drop of water from his bottle.
DANG IT! TWO MORE BOOMERANGS! HOW DOES THIS KEEP HAPPENING TO ME?
Elliott didn’t listen to his chemistry teacher’s instructions, and now he has to wash his eyes out before going blind.
Trevor is really embarrassed by his abnormally large sweat glands.
OH MY GOSH! I FEEL LIKE I’M TURNING INTO AN ALIEN!
OH MY GOSH! I AM TURNING INTO AN ALIEN!
Welp, I’m an alien.
A little disappointed you’re making fun of my larger-than-normal forehead.
SERIOUSLY, STOP IT!
IF YOU DON’T STOP, I WILL COMMANDEER YOUR SOUL!
Poor guy’s life is spiraling out of control after continuously getting hit in the face by double boomerangs.
Okay, now it’s just getting comical. Who could have luck this bad to keep getting hit in the eyes with two boomerangs?
Ah, I love to try and catch snowflakes on my tongue.
SERIOUSLY? WHO THROWS BOOMERANGS IN THE SNOW?
A few minutes away from hitting up Taco Bell for some munchies, brah.
“Excuse me, doctor. I would feel a lot better if you attempted this surgery with your eyes open.”
Spent literally two and a half hours at Sunglass Hut before finally sticking with these bad boys.
It’s been about a week since this emoticon watched that video from “The Ring.”
This is Ross.
This is Ross after “the accident” that left him without eyebrows. It’s a long story.
Currently at the dentist with one of those plastic things keeping his mouth wide open.
Probably named Greg.
Probably named Hong-shee.
Plastic surgery gone bad.
Not Muslim, just recovering from a recent hair plug surgery. But thanks for being extremely stereotypical, jerk.
Way too happy to be a real cop. He’s obviously a male stripper.
Really regrets letting Eddie play with the jackhammer on the job site. Also, rest in peace, Eddie.
Watched way too much “House Party” growing up.
Either a baby or that friend you know who hasn’t come to terms with the fact that he’s losing his hair and is still trying to make it work.
Legally required to introduce himself to new neighbors.
Rhonda hasn’t worn makeup in years. Something’s up. Either she’s trying to spice things up in her marriage…or…well, maybe she really didn’t go to Bunco night with her girlfriends the other night?
Danny DeVito (actual size)
Pretty sure this is that old lady from “Hook.”
Macauley Culkin at the beginning of “My Girl.”
Macauley Culkin at the end of “My Girl.”
Meagan, at her own bachelorette party, is beginning to have doubts about marrying Kevin.
Vampire cat.
Vampire cat who is into bestiality.
Vampire cat’s mugshot after being arrested for bestiality.
Tom Hanks at the end of “Cast Away.”
Wilson at the end of “Cast Away”: “I’ve had enough of you, Tom Hanks! I’m getting out of here!”
See no evil.
Speak no evil.
Hear no Pitbull.
A shooting star that is lost and refuses to ask for directions.
Early blueprints of the first Hungry Hungry Hippos game board.
Code for: “Killed a dude in prison.”
Code for: “Killed three dudes in prison.” (AKA a prison hat-trick)
Code for: “Killed Vincent van Gogh in prison.”
Fun Fact: The movie poster for “Rocky Horror Picture Show” was actually inspired by this emoticon.
Frank was always good at hitchhiking, mainly because his thumb was so much bigger than the rest of his fingers.
The hands your drama teacher used to make while describing the day’s planned activities to the class.
Four friends all practicing their paper football skills, two of whom need more practice.
This is how a dyslexic person flips you off.
Trying to catch all the Doritos.
“I don’t know, Vince. Seems like we work our biceps every day. Maybe today we should do shoulders and back.”
“We get it, Hank. You can moonwalk.”
“No, no! That wasn’t us challenging you to moonwalk faster.”
All of the men at the party were mesmerized by Veronica’s dance moves, not even realizing the fact she was missing both hands and, well, a face.
Not calling this couple extremely creepy, but they also share a Facebook account.
They say little Patrick has his father’s mouth.
Experimented in college, but promised not to tell anyone about it.
“Oh my gosh, Calvin! Look, a heart!” “I know, I know. I see it!”
Those twin girls from “The Shining” grew up and took up dancing. They were unsuccessful in dropping that extremely creepy reputation, though.
This is Miranda on girls’ night, discussing whether or not she should just go for it and get that haircut she’s always talked about.
“No, no. I couldn’t,” Miranda says, with doubt in her voice.
However, Miranda begins to consider the idea, and tells the girls just how short she would go. “You have such a beautiful face! You’d totes be able to pull it off,” her girlfriend Stacey assures her. “OMG! You’d look like Natalie Portman!”
“Oh you girls stop it!” Miranda says. “Y’all are too sweet!”
Fast-forward to the next day. Miranda is at the salon, getting her hair shampooed before the cut. “I’m doing the right thing. I’m going to look great,” Miranda thinks to herself, trying to reassure herself that she’s doing the right thing.
Miranda goes through with the haircut. Needless to say, she does NOT look like Natalie Portman. Two days later, Miranda’s boyfriend of two years breaks up with her. “Call me in 11 months when your hair grows back,” he says.
Miranda’s reaction.
“It’s okay, Miranda,” her friends say as they try to reassure her. “He wasn’t right for you. Plus, I think he was cheating on you with Becky, anyway.”
An X-ray of Miranda’s heart. Poor Miranda.
No, but seriously. Poor Miranda. Her heart is literally broken. She only has weeks to live. Looks like we’ve got a real “Walk To Remember” moment on our hands–only without a willing boy to marry Miranda within the next few weeks..
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Austin Huff
Austin wears pants every day. He is also the founder of KorkedBats.com.
@AustinHuff
@AustinHuff
The Boomerang guy’s story speaks to me.
Started out strong, took a breather in the middle, came back for a close win at the end. But damn that was long.
I’d get my happy ass fired if I put out work of this quality.
I have yet to enjoy one of your columns