Dear Chrissy Teigen, Why’d You Block Me On Twitter?

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An Open Letter To Chrissy Teigen

Dear Chrissy,

Last night was a tough one. I was just on my computer, scrolling my feeds and checking my noties when I said to myself, “Will, you should liven up your Twitter and toss out some follows.” And you know what, Chrissy? You were the first person I went to follow because you’ve been on my radar for a while now. I’ve known you as being relatively funny, pretty, and entertaining. Then after you told T Mag that you think you look like Kid Rock, I knew I had to go all-in on you. But then this happened:

Honestly, at first glance, this sequence of events made me feel like you were just outright trolling me. It’s almost like you know I have a “Kid Rock” Google News Alert set up where I receive daily news about him in my inbox. Is the notion that you sat down and said, “I’ll mention Kid Rock in an interview to get in Will’s head, and then I’ll block Will on Twitter just to buy some more real estate in his mind” a little farfetched and preposterous? Yeah, but at the same time, it’s also not completely out of the question either.

What doesn’t make sense to me is your motive behind blocking me. I’m not trying to play hard to get here, but I’ve never followed or tweeted you before. It’s not that I was off-put by you or disliked you in any way; it’s just that I didn’t think it was a good look to just be pitifully hitting up supermodels on my timeline. But now here we are.

I’ve been dumped before, Chrissy, and even those breakups didn’t feel as personal as you blocking me. I once had a girl dump me over a long vacation an hour before my flight while I was eating a Chipotle burrito next to the pool, and even that didn’t sting as much as seeing that I was blocked by you. I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t a combination of vulnerable, hurt, and low-key heated right now.

I understand that you may have some apprehensions with having an open stream of communication with me on social media. The internet is a scary place. I’m also well aware that I’m public enemy #1 among Sports Illustrated Swimsuit models after I leaked Kate Upton’s cover in 2012. Do I feel great about doing that? No, I ruined her big day, but I’d never make that mistake again. I don’t want random dudes in sweatpants just spilling my beans to the world any less than you do.

I’m not sure if this will put you and your husband at ease, but I’ve been a John Legend fan since the first time I bought Get Lifted in 2004. That CD was a staple in my 1995 Subaru Legacy station wagon. I listen to that shit on Spotify publicly even today. And I’m not trying to put words in John’s mouth, but if he’s at all intimidated by me which caused him to ask you to block me, I want to assure both of you that I’m not after you romantically. Frankly, you’re not my type. At 5’9″, you’re just too tall for me and that’s a huge deal breaker. I got to first base with a six-foot girl in Mexico once, so that’s all out of my system now.

But you and John, you guys are a certified power couple and I don’t want to get between that. I see you guys on the award show circuit. I saw you ugly-crying for him. That cry was not only endearing, but inspiring. I want to feel what you two feel with each other. And some day, if I do find that kind of love, whaddya say you, John, my girlfriend, and I hit the town for some drinks? We can double date and grab some sushi before heading back to your place to listen to Paul Simon and eat some late-night Bagel Bites.

I don’t hold grudges. If you unblock me, just know that you’re still going to get that follow from me. Whether you want to put this all behind you and reciprocate that follow, that’s not my decision. That’s for you to sort out personally. But I will say this: Let’s be friends, Chrissy. Let’s take a chance on us.



P.S. I’m an ugly cryer, too. You should see me watching Simon Birch.

**Important Update**

Chrissy and I have since reconciled our differences and have moved beyond this trying time in our friendship.

Image via Shutterstock

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