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Couples Costumes Ranked By How Much The Dude Wants To Kill Himself

couples-costumes

8. Kim and Kanye

This honestly is not that bad in the grand scheme of things. Kanye is cool. Guys like him. And so long as he doesn’t do anything ridiculous to appropriate a culture, a man might actually decide to dress as Kanye on his own. But what guys certainly do not like is the Kardashian clan. Or pop culture in general. This is a funny little joke in your world, but to him it’s like the time he suggested you go as some obscure (or really important) athlete because of a joke you didn’t get. Sports!

Similar Fails: Taylor Swift and a snake, Taylor Swift and dead Tom Hiddleston, Rihanna and Drake

7. V-J Day Kissing Sailor

In high school, I once asked a wise man if we could “just kiss” for awhile, and he aptly responded “well, can we just do nothing then?” Romantic as the notion is, I’ve generally found that this is how guys feel. They don’t want to just sit around kissing you unless it’s going to lead to some penis action within the next 90 seconds. And now you’ve created an entire costume out of kissing. In fact, your costume doesn’t even make sense unless you’re kissing, because you made the dumbass mistake of choosing a costume that’s dependent on a single pose. Congratulations, you are girlfriend of the year.

Similar Fails: American Gothic.

6. Barbie and Ken

Just admit that this costume is for you. No guy in history has been excited about wearing a neon leopard shirt and an ascot so that he might go as the accessory to a toy his little sister played with twenty years ago. Bonus points if you craft a box for him to walk around in, so not only does he hate his costume, but he’ll also have a hard time navigating his way through the bar or party to take a leak.

Similar Fails: Anything Lisa Frank, Raggedy Ann and Andy, Beanie Babies

5. Dia de los Muertos

To you, this seems really cool, and clever, and different. It’s not. Everyone saw the same Pinterest tutorial as you did. To him, this is just a reason he has to wear a hat with flowers on it and makeup. Most guys like a lowkey or really funny Halloween costume. This is neither. Your saving grace in forcing your boyfriend into this is that you will actually look awesome. You’ll both be complimented a lot, and this might make up for the fact that he wanted no part of this.

Similar Fails: Mimes, skeleton, pop art comic.

4. Winnie the Pooh and Christopher Robin/Piglet

I know you think this is adorable. But I promise you with every fiber of his being, your boyfriend hates this. No man wants to be Pooh Bear. “Adorable” has never been on the list of qualities he’s aspired to, and the fact that you’ve taken a show that is quite literally for babies and turned it into a costume is going to do a number on his wiener later. And not in the good way.

Similar Fails: Minions, Mickey and Minnie, the emotions from Inside Out, Blue and Steve from Blue’s Clues

3. Disney Prince and Princess

If you make your boyfriend go as a Disney prince, he’s essentially just “the boy that goes with my costume.” That’s not fun. How’s he supposed to venture off on his own? And tell people “uhh, I’m The Prince from Snow White?” Dude doesn’t even have a fucking name. It’s just “The Prince.” That’s not a costume.

Similar Fails: Gossip Girl characters, Rainbow Brite and her boyfriend, Elle Woods and Emmett, Lucy and Ricky

2. Koala And A Tree

I shit you not, I have seen multiple posts, photos, and tutorials on how to make a costume so that the girl is a koala and the guy is a tree. A fucking tree. THAT IS NOT A COSTUME. YOUR BOYFRIEND IS A PROP. What does he do when you’re busy telling Stacey how much you love her lip color in the bathroom? Just continue walking around in brown sweatpants with leaves glued onto them like a fucking buffoon? I honestly find this more offensive than any of the most offensive costumes every media outlet will be covering November 1.

Similar Fails: Loofah and soap, bacon and eggs, social media, plug and outlet

1. Gender Reversal

I know you think it’s a funny twist on a basic costume if YOU go as Sonny and HE goes as Cher, but unless these are words that came from his own brain and out of his own mouth, do not put your boyfriend in a dress. Trust.

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Veronica

Veronica (@VeronicaRuckh) is a writer, editor and content manager for Grandex, Inc. After having spent her undergraduate years drinking $4 double LITs on a patio and drunk texting away potential suitors, she managed to graduate with an impressive GPA and an unimpressive engagement ring -- so unimpressive, in fact, some might say it's not there at all. Veronica has recently switched from vodka to wine on weekdays.

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