There’s about a 96.3% chance that on any given day, as you stare at the mauve cubicle walls that have become your own personal hell, you find yourself dreaming of all the epic ways you would cut loose, raise hell and basically tear shit up if given a no-holds-barred opportunity, such as the company credit card. I’m talking shit so epic it makes The Hangover look like a goddamn stint on the “It’s A Small World” ride at Disney World – sober.
Sorry to burst your bubble, but some guys from Oracle have already beaten you to it. Oracle is a software and computer component manufacturing company in the heart of Silicon Valley, is the third largest software manufacturer behind only Microsoft and IBM. Each year they host an event called Oracle OpenWorld. It’s a conference for all those guys in the tech industry that like to refer to themselves as thought-leaders, gurus, rockstars, and basically anything other than really fucking rich nerds – but I digress.
The big news that hit San Francisco yesterday was that Oracle is being sued for exactly $33,540. For a company like Oracle, less than $34K is chump change. Seriously, that company probably spends more in 3 months to stock toilet paper in their office complex – or pay the salary of a peon like you or I. No, the real kicker is that Oracle is being sued for $33,540 by a strip club – The New Century Theater to be exact.
Considering New Century seems to believe many in the tech scene are sexually starved, they wisely offer discounted admission to anyone with an OpenWorld convention badge. In this case, it backfired, because it seems as though some horny developer dude named Jose Manuel Gomez Sanchez stopped into the club during last year’s OpenWorld Conference and used the company credit card to drop almost $16,500 on drinks, dances, and tips in a single night – and if this guy didn’t get at least one happy ending out of 16k, I honest to God have no words for how dumbfounded that would leave me.
You might think that’s the end of the story, but oh no. Remember the lawsuit was for almost $34K. Sure enough, Senor Sanchez didn’t get enough on just a mere 16 large, he “allegedly” returned to New Century a couple nights later and did it all over again, rounding the tab to a cool $17K. My guess is that the girls raised their rates when they saw Sanchez lay down the company’s Kryptonite-encrusted AMEX.
Oracle refused to pay the bill, presumably stuck Sanchez with the $34K tab, which he then presumably tried to weasel his way out of, yadda yadda yadda. I’ll leave the legal mumbo jumbo to the stuffy old white guys on the golf course and go ahead and guess he’s now unemployed and reduced to YouPorn like the rest of us. The bottom line is that this dude knows how to fuckin’ party. Next time you’re on a business trip and get the slightest hint of guilt for ordering that 16oz ribeye and a second double Woodford Reserve-on-the-rocks, just smile and remember Senor Sanchez. Oh, and don’t forget to treat yourself to the crème brûlée. I hear it’s well worth the $12.95.