I don’t really care all that much what people post on Instagram. I have one of the worst accounts on Instagram. It’s not for lack of trying, I just don’t like asking people to take my picture. This obviously affects how often I post. I’ll never be the type of person to walk up to someone I don’t know and ask them to take a picture of me. Even a close friend is out of the question. I’m more of an Instagram Live guy myself. Asking a stranger, close friend, or family member to take my picture though? I’d rather have my head sewn to the carpet.
I have what can only be described as a complicated relationship with Instagram. Some days I love it, some days I hate it. I see pictures posted by people who are lucky enough to be followed by me everyday that range from what I am forced to classify as corny, unoriginal, and abhorrent. On the flip side, I do follow a large number of accounts that only post pictures of girls butts. Those are great. If there’s a butt in it, I’ll give it a double tap. I don’t care that everyone can see what I’m liking. Pictures like that are meant to be liked. It’s almost a crime not to double tap.
It’s uncomfortable to ask someone to take a picture of you. And then what happens if I don’t like the picture? I have to go back and ask them to take another one? Fat chance. I’m sure people are rolling their eyes all the time regarding the stupid shit I post. However, in my very limited brain every single time I post on Instagram it’s automatically fire. Doesn’t matter if it’s me in front of an iconic monument or a TBT to some long-forgotten night in college. The same picture posted by anyone else is trash, though. I’m a hater through and through. And nothing makes me cringe or hate harder than a person who takes a picture in front of a wall with some silly slogan etched onto it.
Before I get into it, I’d be remiss if I didn’t commend restaurateurs for doing it. Management knew exactly what they were doing when they decided to splurge on a gigantic, glowing sign that reads “Bacon Is Bae.” Any restaurant worth their salt knows that Instagram is going to get them business. Go to any large city in the country and you’ll find neon signage designed for one, solitary reason: geotagging.
You see, when an ordinary person posts a picture in front a wall made of tin that says “I hate you so much,” I scoff, say something along the lines of “God, what a stupid fucking picture” and then scroll past it. However, that same photo posted by yours truly? Well, that’s just me curating my ironic, self-deprecating aesthetic. Call me a hypocrite if you’d like, but unless I did it I’m probably hating on it.
The neon signs are the worst, though. I see them in pretty much every middle of the road restaurant that is masquerading as a social club. “Bitch don’t kill my vibe” (in cursive font, obviously), “It’s Lit,” and “I could give up pizza but I’m not a quitter.” Stupid, nonsensical shit like that makes your average twenty-something girl with a degree in communications go absolutely insane. And guess what? Those signs drive business.
If you don’t think Emily who just recently graduated from Generic State U isn’t getting a #squadgoals picture up in front of the “Bitch don’t kill my vibe” sign, you obviously don’t know Emily or any other white girl with a shitty office job very well.
Girls getting ‘grams off in front of neon signs are moths to a flame. But let’s just fucking cool it. Have some pride. Be more creative than a picture of you and your crew standing in front of a sign that reads “HYFR.” At this point, anything is more original than that. The market has been saturated with pictures of basics blowing kisses in front of these awful signs.
Take a selfie on a hike to the top of a mountain in Denver. Make a Boomerang. Hell, I’d be less disgusted if you posted a picture with your boyfriend. At this point, anything is more original than a shot of you throwing up deuces in front a wall that reads “I love you so much.” Just cut it out with the clearly posed pictures of you in a halter top in front of a sign. I need a break. Or, you know, you could always just start posting pictures of your butt. You’ll never see me hating on those. .