Having to retake grades K-12 to prove to my dad I’m ready to take over the family hotel chain. PGP.
Mastered the rich white guy laugh for work. I’m black. PGP.
My friend just had a kid on purpose. PGP.
Checking out her ring finger first. PGP.
Accidentally referred to myself as an alcoholic instead of a workaholic in a phone interview. At least I told the truth. PGP.
Jealous of Obama because he gets to quit his job today. PGP.
Getting more excited about Tax Breaks than Spring Breaks. PGP.
Failed attempts at morning sex before work. PGP.
I need 3+ years experience for an entry level job, and Trump was able to win with no experience. PGP.
Every time someone at work tells me a story, I want to just say, “Honestly, I don’t give a fuck.” PGP.
Getting old enough to realize going out is too expensive and not worth the calories. PGP.
Only 45 more years. PGP.
My coworkers call me “Hollywood” because I don’t have a kid. PGP.
Boss makes 3 times your salary but still types with two index fingers. PGP.
Both of my roommates are gone for an entire week and this is the best thing that’s happened to me in months. PGP.
The anxiety that hits when you enter a coworker’s office and they say “Close the door.” PGP.
I’m a grown man taking a sick day to relive some glory days and play COD 4 with the boys. I have no shame. PGP.
Everyone is getting leg cramps and shit during sex and I’m over here like, what is this “sex?” PGP.
Mid-meeting I got asked why I was there. PGP.
Just got my girlfriend pregnant. PGP.