Having to retake grades K-12 to prove to my dad I’m ready to take over the family hotel chain. PGP.
My friend just had a kid on purpose. PGP.
Mastered the rich white guy laugh for work. I’m black. PGP.
Checking out her ring finger first. PGP.
Accidentally referred to myself as an alcoholic instead of a workaholic in a phone interview. At least I told the truth. PGP.
I need 3+ years experience for an entry level job, and Trump was able to win with no experience. PGP.
Every time someone at work tells me a story, I want to just say, “Honestly, I don’t give a fuck.” PGP.
Failed attempts at morning sex before work. PGP.
Getting old enough to realize going out is too expensive and not worth the calories. PGP.
My coworkers call me “Hollywood” because I don’t have a kid. PGP.
Boss makes 3 times your salary but still types with two index fingers. PGP.
Only 45 more years. PGP.
Jealous of Obama because he gets to quit his job today. PGP.
Both of my roommates are gone for an entire week and this is the best thing that’s happened to me in months. PGP.
Everyone is getting leg cramps and shit during sex and I’m over here like, what is this “sex?” PGP.
I’m a grown man taking a sick day to relive some glory days and play COD 4 with the boys. I have no shame. PGP.
Just got my girlfriend pregnant. PGP.
Mid-meeting I got asked why I was there. PGP.
The anxiety that hits when you enter a coworker’s office and they say “Close the door.” PGP.
Nothing fucks up your Friday more than realizing it’s only Wednesday. PGP.